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cap10martini's profile
AGE:
39
LOC: Methuen, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 09
LOC: Methuen, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 09
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Items
Version 1
11 Reviews
3 Comments
Ambition Dave left his cubicle to head to the coffee machine. He didn’t need another coffee, what he needed was to look at something besides his computer screen for a few minutes. Cubicles are a lie and he knows it. They are fake little offices for people that are just not important enough for the real thing. Dave would prefer that they get rid of the cubicles and just line all the desk up like the number pushing factory workers that the truly are. The only acceptable reasons for leaving your...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Like all things Texas is good and Bad Of course at this point My knowledge of Texas is limited to San Antonio This city is odd to me It is a city that thinks it’s a small town This is both charming and disturbing sometimes this city is like riding into the sunset in a convertible Caddie the top is down and I just smoked a fatty yet sometimes this city is like a scorpion in my ass one thing for sure Texans love neon the whole city appears as a neon desert with bright glowing franchises poppin...
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
the never ending ending transition time again if there is one thing I can take comfort in it is the fact that things will always change feelings fade dreams die soon we will part tonight we rest why is it that comfort and happiness are not the same thing the plot gets boring maybe (They lived happily ever after.) is a bad ending after all time passes time true rhythm always repeats the beat goes on she bought a gift for me a humidor for my cigars that was very nice of her of course it turns ...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
this poem sucks I’ve only just begun it and I can already tell that it sucks this is boring and repetitive this is a spit in the face of the men that slaved for it’s ink a mockery to the trees that died for it’s creation. I haven’t written anything for months and when I finally force myself this is all that I can come up with pointless free verse this verse doesn’t deserve to be free it should be imprisoned I should be imprisoned imprisoned in the halls of stale molding artist if I was succe...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
We are only the smeared shit Across the sand paper tissues left in the trash of a dirty bar room crapper Discarded by a man too impatient to stay and finish or for that matter flush To be a man is to be proud and stupid to be an intelligent man is simply to realize this Do not trust the Gods for they are just older versions of proud stupid men Neither young women nor old whisky provide any real comfort but the combination can get you through the night you should have more pride when you fart...
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Reviews
This is good ,but slow moving. I know it is important to set the stage, but sometimes you need to keep the reader looking into the future a bit to hook them I saw that you did make a promise for a meeting in the first chapter and that may be enough, but a bit more forshawdowing could help. I love the dialogue with the maids, great work and you do a good job of showing rather then telling.
This is good. Look out you forgot to close your quotes one time. Still it reads well and pulls you in.
Some of your spacing seeems wrong. If you write everything in one line in a poem you are suggesting that it should be read without stopping. I found this hard to do at times it did not feel right. The line about colors is brillant, but once was enough.
The dialogue is better in this one, i missed the secound. The line that the sign jumped into the car made no sence to me, latter when he spoke about putting other sighns in the trunk I got the point, but i think ou should take another look at that first one. I like where this is going.
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