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caerberu's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Philippines
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 03
LOC: Philippines
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 03
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Version 1
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Again, I write on crumpled paper-skin. Darker inks are deeper scars. I'm fading in and out of words, fading, in and out like the sunsets and a ceiling fan and an empty bottle spinning. So before these memories swirl and fade, let me write all on crumpled paper-skin. Three lines, with my name on it. Three lines, with my hate on it. Three lines, with all my tears, and the last lines bearing love.
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We are the sky and beyond, the earth, and beneath, the waters ever deep, that if there was a way to measure love then our love would be unmeasurable.
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This is no pen, but with it, I write on flesh. On paper, it drips the emptiness that is me-- filled only by a rhythm. I am alone, yet where I stand I am the world where darkness revolves.
Version 2
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Dark Side by Caerberu Begun on the last months of 2007. Last editted January 24, 2008 This is a world torn in two halves from the attempt to return to Paradise. The worlds are separated by the Endless Fall—what man knows as the edge of the world. One side is a land of abundance. Of this side, it will be enough for you to know that it is marked by a series of wars, and that a greater war far beyond their fears will fall upon them. For now, the story I will tell you, however, is the story of th...
Version 1
1 Review
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Dark Side by Caerberu Begun on the last months of 2007. Last editted January 24, 2008 This is a world torn in two halves from the attempt to return to Paradise. The worlds are separated by the Endless Fall—what man knows as the edge of the world. One side is a land of abundance. Of this side, it will be enough for you to know that it is marked by a series of wars, and that a greater war far beyond their fears will fall upon them. For now, the story I will tell you, however, is the story of th...
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Reviews
your strength//comma your speed//comma your game I particularly like these 3 lines: This is all I get for all I fought You are born with all I want So now you are my only thought I can relate to the anxiety of your lyrics. I don't know, but I feel you can still improve on the ideas and the words. Even given an old idea, you can express it in a new, refreshing way, is what I'm trying to say. Best regards
on a endless road to no where. //on an endless road to nowhere Restlessly waiting.//consider a comma here, instead of a period// Precious moments slipping way. I wait,//consider a period here, instead of a comma// we wait. it's just that it the pace sounds more appropriate if you used those punctuations i suggested, though i'm not sure if you find it the same. For what we ask ourselves, a dream? //again, I find the pace here as awkward. Though the idea is good. It's something to do with the p...
Talent, yes. Poetry, Good. To stir hearts and soul--I was having tingles up my spine. There is a sad and longing feel to this poem. I don't know if you meant the game literally, as I took it as an allusion to another, real 'game' in life--one of love and deceit. Good work. Best regards
I like the metaphor of God's casino, especially the 'jackpot', rainfall time. This is a good haiku, it is unexpected, it isn't cliche, and it is a refreshing way of looking at things. Best regards
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