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brainfreeze's profile 
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LOC: Oklahoma City, OK
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LAST LOGIN: February 08
LOC: Oklahoma City, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 08
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“THE STORY OF THE GAROU” The headhunter Batiste knelt at the memorial erected for the Lupine dead. Etched into the large stone were the names of all the Nashoba members—including Etienne and Jean-Luc’s father. His own tribe did not have a buria...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
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“THE CHOOSING AND THE CHOSEN” The Nashoba compound was on special alert on this particular evening. Their lead hunter Batiste was going to choose his mate this evening and the tribe wanted nothing to go wrong. Inside her cage, Angelique strained her neck to see ...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
CHARACTER BIOS Cameron Armstrong is the oldest member of the South City Band. He is the most mature and the most business-savvy of the bunch. The lead guitarist/vocalist has his hands full with keeping the other members focused—especially quick-tempered Jamie—and with struggling to hold his own troubled family together back home. The others see Cameron as a big brother, and often listen to his advice. Cameron is the oldest son of Cleavon and Tanita Armstrong. He is also the...
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You should explain the military acronyms in your story. Most people wouldn't know what a "CO" or a "BX" is. "airman second class" should be capitalized, with a comma between "Airman" and "Second". Describe in detail the look on the Colonel's face when he saw the monkey's salute. What was the salute? Explain that to your readers. Other than those three criticisms, I liked the story. It reminded me of Klinger on "MASH".
This poem reminds me of King Arthur. It has the beginning preface of a beautiful kingdom that has suddenly been tarnished by an evil presence (In King Arthur, the evil presence was Prince Mordred and the witch Morrigan, I assume). It then talks about the hope of a new future with the union of Lynet and Ehrec of Briton and their stand against the Irish. I liked how you wrote this and I'd like to read more.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This quote should be the anthem of our country. We shouldn't wait for someone to lay success in our laps--we need to learn to get up and work for it. This is one main reason why our children are growing up with this mindset that they have this "right" to have whatever they want and don't have to sacrifice to get it. I like this quote a lot.
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