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boniface11's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Belmont, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 12
LOC: Belmont, NC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 12
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Version 1
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As I sit and listen to the shadows travel across the mountains— I am reminded of a girl I once knew— her eyes like the cosmic trance of moon water— her hair like two crows dancing amongst the lilacs— her voice echoing beneath the valley of dreams and the rush of white water uncertainties— I wanted to reach out to her—to hold her close to my soul— but I was afraid—afraid of rejection—broken aspirations—uncertainties— But I was ...
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Every morning at 3 o’clock Oscar walked to the market. He had been doing so for nearly twenty years. He and his wife often went together if she weren’t busy in the house and if her sister could take care of the children. But now he went alone, she having died many years ago when the jeepney she was in drove off the Pateng Bridge. Oscar was a spry 70 year old and very strong. His body did not agree with his age. He could hike up the mountains in Santa Clara faster than men half hi...
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Version 1
1 Review
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Every morning at 3 o’clock Oscar walked to the market. He had been doing so for nearly twenty years. He and his wife often went together if she weren’t busy in the house and if her sister could take care of the children. But now he went alone, she having died many years ago when the jeepney she was in drove over the Pateng Bridge. Oscar was a spry 70 year old and very strong. His body did not agree with his age. He could hike up the mountains in Santa Clara faster than men half h...
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Version 1
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Billy never learned how to swim. He wasn’t afraid of the water. Simply, the river near his house in Blowing Rock, North Carolina, was too shallow in some places and too dangerous in others. But he enjoyed white water rafting and by wearing a life vest he didn’t have to worry about being the perfect swimmer. He could dog paddle and float like the rest of them. In the summer of 1985, shortly after Billy’s 17th birthday, he made his first trip to the beach. His friend Brian inv...
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Version 1
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I woke up in the dark and the dark was moving. I assumed I was in some kind of truck or van. I couldn’t see a thing. I was blind folded. The floor was cold and damp. My hands and legs were tied up in what felt like rope. I smelled gas. I had a headache. The last thing I remember was walking through the front door of a dilapidated house. I was told that I would find my brother there. The pain in the ...
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Very creative, but if it is to be flash fiction, it is my understanding that it should be no more than 1000 words. Therefore, you need to cut a few things out. I gave you a 7 for talent because I think you could turn it into a great short story. I would change the venue. Why do people from other planets always visit New York? I think that is overdone. Have them go somewhere most people have not heard of, maybe a small town.
I like it, but I prefer poetry that has fewer words. To me, it makes the poem more intense. So maybe shorten up some of the lines. For example, line 9. Lines I like: "some cackle, some cry, often times they die" "death offers no freedom" "ghosts smiling in their crops"
Well done. I don't see anything to change here. I mean, you can always play around with them some more, but they look ok as they stand now. Lines I like: "rain soaks them to bone," "walking sticks marked in earnest," "Pushing me into her mouth," "she's indifferent"
Lines I like: "Secrets hid in mystic ruins,"Old age made you an infant," "slid glaciers grinding ditches" I like it overall, but I would change a few lines: Instead of "I whispered to your essence" how about "I whispered to your soul." "crawling from the brine"- "crawling from the sea." good job
I'm not a good reviewer of screenplays, so take this with a grain of salt. Very intense! I like it, but there are a few things I'd change: give more explanation of his university life, maybe have a flashback. I need more of a sense of why Tom loses his mind and joins a violent faction. Maybe, too, have a flashback of life at home with mom and dad. You ever seen Train Spotting? very intense about drug addicts. The difference is that you use terrorists. Good ending. I would like to see how the ...
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