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blue_lightning's profile
AGE:
23
LAST LOGIN: November 12
LAST LOGIN: November 12
Hi, this is Blue. Some of you might know me from LJ – I’m blue_lightning there as well.
I’m – well, I’m like you. I love to write, and I’m very serious about what I do. I read a great many books, as well as a great deal of poetry (I believe that’s a must if you want to write well yourself), and I love to edit. I also love history, etymology, the sciences, nature, world politics, litcrit, semiotics, and language in general. I’m very active in my community, but I hope to become more active yet in the coming months and years.
I’m also a university student at present (political science), and I see this as a point against me – especially whenever I get involved in literary discourse. I’d rather run through burning hot coals than confe…
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I'm curious as to why you think this would be better as poetry than as prose. Certainly, prose poetry has a distinguished tradition and can be quite solid, but the essential aim of prose poetry is the same as that of any other poetry: to propel an image or impression before all else. But in your piece, you clearly develop your world through the events of one short, poignant moment. In other words, story comes first in this piece. As such, I think you should reconsider the genre - and consider...
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Hey there! I thought the premise of the first stanza was pretty neat - a very fresh image, the road to heaven being comparable to any old highway, and equally replete wih traffic jams. But as the piece progresses, the subject shifts dramatically, and into more generic territory at that. The whole nihilistic "god's gone, world's in despair, who will help us?" is pretty cliche - and especially disappointing when compared to the potential in the first stanza. So I'd suggest going back to that or...
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I think you've got two poems here - one that so far only has two lines to it (the first two), and one made up of the rest. Look at the intro: "In the first plague of the apocalypse / A MacChicken fell from the sky". Now, those are the lines that grabbed me - they pulled me in and left me with a few questions right off the bat (what plagues will come next, what apocalypse is this, and is this a "The Gods Must Be Crazy" spin-off?) - but my interest crashed with the syntax in line four, and the ...
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When you go out of your way to force profundity into poetry you will undoubtedly fail at both the profound and the poetic. And that's what's happened here, I'm afraid; while I commend you on some interesting images and the choice a difficult style, this piece on the whole is an unfocused, overly verbose rant that sounds philosophical without saying anything - and that sounds poetic without being anything close. Poetry is about presenting the best words in the best order; here, however, you've...
This poem shows you appreciate the importance of imagery in poetry, but I fear this piece doesn't take enough risks - and it shows. The images you have here, while interesting as distinct sentences, together show no real build-up to any one clear "moment" - an epiphany, a crisis. Your sentences are wholly interchangeable, which tells me the poem fails to meet the requirement of "the best words in the best order." And even as distinct sentences your lines are carrying a lot of dead weight. Con...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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