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beetrees's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Winter Park, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 28
LOC: Winter Park, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 28
Hi! My name is Betty, living in the U.S.
I found this site through Myspace, believe it or not. I have been rping for a while and wish to expand my writing into larger pieces of work. I have started a novel, but I think that for now, the best thing would be to keep it to short stories. I just started a short story based on one of my roleplaying characters, Yukihiiro.
Anything else you wanna know? Just ask. :D
Have a good day.
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A waitress starves; can't pay bills!
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Version 1
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Born a Warrior It was 1180 when the war began. He was a mere warrior, an uneducated yet strong man. He had just a second to look up into the setting sun and feel how weary he truly was. He felt an emptiness inside of him. Apart from the constant fighting, he knew that he needed something more. Everything was taking a toll on his mind and body. With kitana in hand, he slashed through his opponents with ease. Timing was crucial as well as focus when it came to war. He only hoped his strength wo...
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Since there are 17 pages, I will review each one as I read them. Page one: You can decipher who is speaking, making each character stand out without having to ask yourself who is saying what. Some people can't pull that off. I can picture Ellis Carey perfectly. William seems a bit myterious as well as "she". I don't know who she is, but I'm sure I'll find out later. You lead into the second paragraph quickly, meaning that there is very little background information. If it's meant to be that w...
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I'm giving you a five for what I have read so far. The rating could improve depending on the rest. It has great potential. I can really feel the sadness and torment of the person. The story and the feelings of characters are more important to the person who reads it. Grammar and typos are easily fixed. I do have a couple of recommendations, which you do not have to take at all. I must remind you that what I have to say is just an opinion. So here goes. would frantically, frantically, frantica...
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