as i read these stories i'll typically keep the notepad open and paste grammatical errors, awkwardly worded sentences, etc. while reading this piece I found no such problems **writing/stylistic choices/devices the writing is solid, easy to understand and you did some very clever things from an artistic standpoint. for example in the beginning our focus is upon the suit and in describing the suit you describe its wearer and he slowly becomes our focus. also in the description of the guy you al...

"Of the great Swiss-Italian pianist Vincenzo Collatti-Zuboff, they say both that he died naturally and that he was burned." -strong start, interest immediately piqued "tonight, it is exactly fifteen years since his discordant death," -maybe a betterword choice than discordant, sounds amaturish for some reason "As the prods became presses, and his labours progressive, those presses became impressive. And impressed family members addressed the next stage of his musical transition, namely this: ...

the piece starts off strong but it leaves me with certain expectations like i'm going to find out who karyn is and why she was in the paper and what the headline means. instead the story becomes a series of recollections and ful fills none of the earlier expectations. don't get me wrong, i actually enjoyed it. i love travel tales, odd local games and the like. i just wish that there could be a little more story. is this just the beginning? if so i think its a good start. also, the piece might...

**- all in all leaves me feeling that there should be more. good main character, solid motive, good descriptions but no pay off. will there be more? **- here are the notes i took while reading your piece: "Her breath staggered against her tight chest." **-very minor but what is this sentence saying? maybe staggered breath within her tight chest? "Maybe she it was just the wallows taking her early in life." **-this entence needs revising (she it), also, i'm not entirely certain what it means. ...

**summary i don't feel particularly qualified to review other peoples work but i need to do it if i want to be able to read my reviews. that being said i found the story to be very difficult to understand. you said in the notes that you were afraid of copyright issues, i am assuming that you borrowed the scifi(?) context but i am not familiar with the series, story, whatever. Perhaps some familiarity would help. **the writing/style the grammatical structure was fine. the sentences were all we...

typically while reading the pieces i am about to review i'll take notes for errors in grammar, sentence structure, etc. none of that here that i saw. in terms of subject matter i think i can see why some reviewers got annoyed with this when it was a poem. i think that sometimes the 'i want her/love her from afar/some close yet so far' theme can seem sappy especially when followed with self debasement: "Phony and hypocritical as I feel" "hating my cowardice, sick of the man I am who is no man ...

There's not alot here to review. what makes it difficult is that this is a very plot driven type of piece but theres not enough plot represented to really review. Its certainly an engaging start and i would have continued to read with interest had there've been more. what there was i liked for the most part. there are two specific areas that i thought were very effective: there's a line that starts: "there are some things that can't stay buried within the recesses.." and then you go on to des...

its well written and interesting. my only criticsm is that i never really understond the significAnce of what was going on and originally took it to be a metaphor for life. this was supported by the fact that the main character is the reader. the piece feels like a small part of a greater work only because there are so many unanswered questions: when did this dance begin? what is the point of of it? who is she? why is it so good as to endure the flames of hell? But, at the same time perhaps p...

thats an odd one: madonna, iraqi christians-- i assume that it was the school that was bombed in the end. i don't remember any major grammatical errors or anything like that. I agree with the message and it left a bad taste in my mouth as intended. i thnk you may have some difficulty getting it published as i think that most magazines anthologies, etc. wouldn't want to be sued by madonna. i wrote a very similar piece about Iman (david bowie's wife) thats on here (its called goon squad or some...

The story really changes after the description of the storm. you start off with so much purple prose that it kind of threw me off but the sory of their interaction is good plus there are some really good lines in there. Here are the notes i took while reading this piece i hope they help: "Angus Mckracken gives all his weight to a golden ,sofa bean bag.The comfortable velveteen bean bag has attained life raft status in his remedial psyche" --there should be a space after "bag." and the beginni...