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batadam482's profile

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AGE: 22
LOC: Albany, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 14

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Items
Short Story / Phone Call
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
The hallway stood silent witness to the sound of gathering books and sliding desks. I had misjudged her actions in the waning moments of the lecture, and now I stood alone in the hallway, waiting to walk the 50 feet to the hallway where she turned right and I went straight. I had nothing to say, and I did not want the rendezvous to seem forced. Accidental was better. I chose to employ the multi-faceted cell phone maneuver, which consists of staging a fake conversation with oneself using the c...
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Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Bicycle Madness
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I like bikes. Not the kind that you clench between your thighs and hug like its your girlfriend, and when you want to go faster you just stroke the throttle and whisper sweet nothings in it’s ear all the way to the second home that came with the motorcycle in your midlife crisis rich kid fantasy package deal. I like the kind of bikes that every inch, every mile, and every pedal stroke further takes some strength from your legs, and only by the nature of what cycling is does that energy get tr...
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Short Story / The Cave (Working Title)
Version 1
5 Reviews   0 Comments
Three months, five days, and some random amount of minutes and seconds into my freshman year of college, when I lived on the third floor of a brick tower in the desolate remains of cow pasture, I found a hole underneath my bed. It was a small hole, and I assumed with disgust that it was a rodent’s home. I was not surprised; both my roommate and I had a habit of leaving food out; he ate chips and mints when he was drunk, I horded bananas that I was determined to eat but never did. For several ...
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Poetry / Parking Lot
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
A Classic February Grey and easily muffled. The snow has not yet rotted brown from automobiles, salt and sand. The heater keeps a constant Exasperated whir. Maybe it is trying to fill the car With something other than pretensions The parking lot security camera Is pointed away But I pretend and suck in my cheeks make my eyes dark clouds It is February And I am sitting in my mother’s Volvo Waiting for a friend Waxing poetic about sitting in a parking lot It is February And the snow has not yet...
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Poetry / Soul Patch
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The orange light robs the almond that I threw of its grace The grey stereo dictates electric guitar, British singer and a slow, and even pace.
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Reviews
Poetry / My Children
Grammatically it should be their abuse has in the fourth line. Other than that a powerful poem that has some excellent imagery, the rhythm of the last line is especially well done, setting up almost a smaller poem within that one line. In the second to last line it should be nowhere, not no where, although that could be deliberate. The mommy mommy line is the only point over which this poem stumbles, by using dialogue you break the atmosphere of the poem, and move from something poignant to s...
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Haiku/Senryu / Bacon
Hehe. Even as a vegetarian, this poem made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I have no complaints about these haikus, I think they did exactly what you set out to do. Hilarious.
Simply put, this was good. Enjoyable, no complaints about sentences or narrative, although a bit more discussion about the first event would be nice. On sunday, in the New York Times Magazine, check out the last page. They're kind of like this, and perhaps would be helpful. Truly enjoyed this.
Short Story / The Shack and the Spider
her only friends "were" not "where," and you switch the gender of silver. THis line does not make sense "Lonely, she waited for was the occasional gnat." You talk about the shack which is fine, but there doesn't seem to be any point to it. If you are trying to describe the pretty solitude of the shack, which you sort of do, you need to be less figurative I think. It is fine to personify the shack, but you stop short, and it becomes silly as opposed to adding to the scene. You don't really exp...
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