I'm writing for the first time in a long time, and I am writing in hopes of no one finding this almost.... All because you're not supposed to talk about your illnesses with people... I have a major illness. It kills me everyday to have to take medications that change the way my body works...how I look, and how I feel. The main two that kill me are lyrica and abilify....psychiatric medications. I recently began to taper down on my abilify, much to my psychiatrist's dismay. He told me it wasn't...

As I get older, I want kids more and more. It's hella scary, but it's true. Perhaps it's my love of sex...the touch of someone else that makes me feel secure...the feeling of a strong relationship backed by even stronger sex is the strongest love thing for me... I want to give my kids the world, however, so now is not the time...

Music is my drug of choice and let me tell you why The bad effects are not so bad They only make you think about the life you've lived And the ones you will never feel... But the good of music outdoes the bad The bad effects are good and the good are great There are feelings that can't be expressed that music won't let you ignore... Music's goodness is whole and pure; dirty and groutesque; the loved and the hated; conservative and taboo. Music makes me move like no one can It picks me up shoo...

Sometimes I feel like I'm lost in translation. I have a bf that I love, but I can't tell if it's fucking or love. Well, I know it's love... But I can't fully express myself. I have school and a potential Aerospace career. I should be set for money, but not happiness... I've got a fucked up mind and nothing important to say...

Sometimes I feel like I'm lost in translation. I have a bf that I love, but I can't tell if it's fucking or love. Well, I know it's love... But I can't fully express myself. I have school and a potential Aerospace career. I should be set for money, but not happiness... I've got a fucked up mind and nothing important to say...

I love you. I want to marry you. Soon. I want to have children with you. I want to have a life with you. You're better than gourmet chocolate to someone who likes that sort of thing... Someone like me.

I hope my mother gets everything she wants out of life. She really deserves it, and it makes me sad to see her hurt in any way. I only wish that I were gutsy enough to tell her this...to put my pride aside and not worry about feeling "stupid" or "cliche." Everyone needs to hear that kind of stuff sometimes, you know...

The beauty of forests and hills tickle my fancy. Play with the soul of me drifting me into bright clouds of perserverance and dark clouds of a grief so deep they consume all in their paths. The brightness is heavenly the taste is sweet but crisp... Everso crisp and fresh like lettuce from the head. Fills my senses with euphoric bliss that cannot be explained... only re-examined with non-eager eyes which try to relate. Attempts to capture the beauty fail terribly... My dream of a snapshot from...

This place brings out the devil in me. I'm not the first it has absorbed in its gut and I will not be the last. It has taken many greater and lesser than me. Richer and poorer than me. How can one not question a place that feeds on breaking goals and spirits? Driven to anger here I am not. For no one can actually drive or be driven here. This place has consumed my soul with ungodly irritability and restlessness. This place is Livid. This place is Anger. This place is LA.

This place brings out the devil in me. I'm not the first it has absorbed in its gut and I will not be the last. It has taken many greater and lesser than me. Richer and poorer than me. How can one not question a place that feeds on breaking goals and spirits? Driven to anger here I am not. For no one can actually drive or be driven. This place has consumed my soul with ungodly irritability and restlessness. This place is Livid. This place is Anger. This place is LA.