axelk's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: Romania
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 31
LOC: Romania
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 31
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Items
Version 1
4 Reviews
3 Comments
First thing’s first: My name is Bijoux Moule and I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for reading my petite book. I could guess what you are thinking. How good can a porn actress be at writing? Well my dear ladies and gentlemen, that is something we will have to establish, won’t we? I bet you expect to find in the following lines very juicy stories about men and women whom I let pilgrimage my beautifully sculpted body. Maybe you will find your jerking material in the following l...
Version 2
13 Reviews
7 Comments
Assumption is the mother, brother, father of all fuck ups “It’s not that I don’t love you honey… it’s just that I don’t feel the spark anymore. No butterflies, no stomachache, no goose bumps. So I do love you but just as you love your cat or your dog or you’re favorite t-shirt or pair of jeans. I just have the sense that I own you that I am somehow attached but I don’t look forward to seeing you everyday when you come from work. I don’t feel the urge of buying you flowers or chocolate, I don’...
Version 3
30 Reviews
28 Comments
Have you ever been swept away? I mean grabbed by your ankles and thrown in the air so hard that the tip of your nose touched the first cloud? I’m not talking about a Peter Pan kind of flight but more of an angel flight combined with a Superman one, from the days he used to fly after Lois. And as you fly against gravity with a “v” velocity and an “a” acceleration greater than any terrestrial thing that ever cut you off, with your feet facing the sky and your eyes down looking at the ant farm b...
Version 1
23 Reviews
15 Comments
Asumption is the mother, brother, father of all fuck ups "It's not that I don't love you honey... it's just that I don't feel the spark anymore. No butterflies, no stomach ache, no goose-bumps. So I do love you but just as you love your cat or your dog or you're favorite t-shirt or pair of jeans. I just have the sense that I own you, that I am somehow attached but I don't look forward to seeing you everyday when you come from work. I don't feel the urge of buying you flowers or chocolate, I d...
Version 2
2 Reviews
2 Comments
Have you ever been swept away? I mean grabbed by your ankles and thrown in the air so hard that the tip of your nose touched the first cloud? I’m not talking about a Peter Pan kind of flight but more of an angel flight combined with a Superman one from the days he used to fly after Lois. And as you fly against gravity with a “v” velocity and an “a” acceleration greater than any terrestrial thing that ever cut you off, with your feet facing the sky and your eyes down looking at the ant farm be...
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Reviews
Your whole piece is one beautiful metaphor. Your poem flowed nicely into the mind of the reader creating some beautiful images. In the first verse "Moaning siren wraps the night air" maybe "sirens" instead of the singular would work better. Also I am not sure about this repetition : "I've become a cynic without meaning: all teethless snarls and half smiles all liquored up " All in all a great read
I must begin my review by saying that this was a very enjoyable read. So powerful were the feelings and so good were they depicted that it must be the most emotional piece I've read in a long time. The sorrow, the love, they all come together. If you arrange this in stanzas or even if you make a short story out of it it would work. Thank you.
I must tell you this was excellent. I so much enjoyed reading your piece. There is definitely great talent from your part. It is very musical and lyrical in the same time. You created some amazing images and the way the words flow and sit next to each other is wonderful. Great piece. Keep it up.
To begin with I think the title works or at least works better than "Tragedy". Maybe you could think about something else if you are not satisfied. That is what counts the most. For you to be happy with the outcome. I really like the fact that although the theme was somewhat a given you managed to give a fresh approach and create a memorable piece of writing. I especially like how these words fit together: "I had imagined the weight of time to be as light as the weight of your head leaning ag...
First of all I think this could work better as a scene in a larger piece, like you said in the description, certainly not a short story. There is no character development, it is just a fight, a small piece from a larger puzzle. I am not sure though about the first person. I can clearly hear the author speaking through the man's voice and I would like to hear the character speak. It doesn't sound like something this person would say in this situation. It is all too childish. Like telling this ...
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