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atti_norell's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 12
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 12
sooooo yeah, I write poetry and that’s about it. tell me what you think, and if you like it enough.. come find me at www.myspace.com/attinorell and tell me what you think.
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
last time i wrote a poem the sink spit me up, while my belt loops sat alone, waiting for the notches around my throat to let go. the footnotes at the bottom of my heart beat more readily, than the body of my work. i used to think it was poetry -before the lines turned themselves into a noose and haiku's that read like bullet points started to back fire, through the backsides of a few ambiguous water lines, that were just shallow enough for me to try and drown myself in. i used to think it was...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
between the ambiance of melancholy and double bass guerrilla symphony- this suit of blooming dynamite with fusing cuffs -wears like an Armany tux. he painted his easel beneath a peace of shrapnel. croshea a civil signature: embroidered in braille fashioned entropy- by the threaded hairpin; he spits the quills to dot the eyes- and watch the kill. with a stroke of grenade -he's to be displayed against the age of reason, below the cranial splinter of amputee and misinterpretation. it was called ...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
I take the path almost always traveled simply for the fact they're selling road maps, and throwing bread crumbs below the old tracks; but it seams as though this walk of life is growing stale, as I can't decipher the tread from gravel heads and rolling shale. a home I know only by ambiguity. and, I've got to find a better use for these forks- the taste of anxiety and metaphor are all I've had for the past four last suppers on the forest floor; washing down the taste of hypocrisy with skeletal...
Version 1
7 Reviews
8 Comments
A fragile silhouette slipped on something a little more comfortable- blanch silk wrapped in navy noose: this eulogy is beautiful. She lusts the touch, the stain I spill across her limbs; I'll tell her everything she wants to hear- because I wrote the book on us. This is love with dashed guidelines, margins, and pencil perfect nothings: my cursive serenade. This song makes better braille- but she knows that more than anyone. My little anything I want, welcomed to fold. I'd like to think us mor...
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Reviews
it kind of landed dead center for me in terms of quality, simply because of the diction. I felt like much of the word choice and placement was a bit awkward, which left an overall feeling of uneasiness. also, with your formatting of ending each line as its own individual "thing" the piece because very stop and go; completely shattering any chance of sustaining contextual fluency. not trying to just trash you.. just trying to give you something to build off of.
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it was all really cryptic to me. I can neither give it a possitive or negative comment because I was just indifferent. it feels like it was written according to something very personal to you, which would explain the mysterious aspects of it. but, at the same time I think that there wasn't enough concideration of the reader here. or maybe I'm just too slow for this one *shrug*
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wow, that was deffinately a challenge. the piece as a whole, was very strong and I enjoyed all of the metaphors and approaches you tackled. the diction and wording was all very precise as well which is something I always watch for very meticulously.. because it's kind of an underated element at times. now, I loved it overall, however, I also feel like it wasn't near accesable enough to be thrown to a mass audience. dictionary.com was my best friend while reading this piece, and I by no means ...
this was a cool piece; conceptually I really felt it. I liked the ability to be able to rattle off various shows and prime time cliches without sounding like a list or cut and paste assortments. when a piece overall is cohesive, it just makes for a such a stronger read. that really helped you here. a few things I didn't like however, were such lines as 'Blind though it is with its powerful eye.' where you contradicted the language of your poem and in term created inconsistancy. most of the pi...
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although this piece was great, and I really enjoyed the approaches the lines were taking, and the creativity of it all in general.. the piece seemed a bit pretencious. much of the language was extrenuous, and without it, the piece would have not only been more accesable to a larger range of audience, but it also would have improved the diction and fluency of the piece overall. clearly this doesn't reflect the entire piece though, because equally as bold to me were the creative metaphors, and ...
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