ashkrafton's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: Pottsville, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 03
LOC: Pottsville, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 03
Día limm fri fuin, Día limm fri fáir.
I’m a mom and writer who fortunately has a bill-paying day job. Unfortunately, I miss out on the desperation that drives so many writers to succeed.
Desperation is the loveliest, most powerful thing I can imagine, and one day I’m gonna get me some.
Until then, I’ll settle for bon-bons and great boots and my white picket fence. Why torment yourself with that “grass is always greener” stuff when you can avoid growing grass all together? Moss is so much prettier.
Without a doubt, thankfully not Urbishly cool and popular…
Visit me at www.myspace.com/ashkrafton
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I spend my time standing on the side of the Information Highway, holding a sign that reads: Will review for food for thought.
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You first line is a question. Needs a question mark. Word count good, page count unnecessary. Very interesting story, but the summary is too long for a query. Does it all fit on one page if you print it? Bio--credits are wonderful but an agent won't go to a website just because you give a link. Perhaps just say they are online pubs, mention the site if it's prestigious. I also don't think being an Urbis member is something I'd list. There are a lot of Urbis members, and not all are publishabl...
The first sentence is very interesting--but long. A shorter, strong sentence would be a better hook. Overall, your story sounds very interesting. The letter can benefit from being tightened and shortened. One agent's online sub guidelines states she wants two paragraphs, tops; others read "the shorter, the better." It won't be easy because you have many interesting story points to present, but a concise query is evidence of the writing to follow. For instance, instead of "I believe that if yo...
My daughter does mine before I get the chance. Funny letter. Apart from a few typos, I wouldn't change a thing. What type of editor would you send this to?
Yet another way to strike back at writer's block. By far, the most creative. Perfect as written.
The most appealing aspect is the solidness of the imagery and economy of words, as in "gowns and ties", "papered Brahms". Love the sound of the second verse when read aloud. The term "phoenix eyes" makes me think too hard, even though "phoenix" should fit well within the poem. "Arctic smile" also a great image, contradicting the theme of flames with coldness and distance. Line four doesn't appeal to me. Although the image is clear, it is weak compared to the other lines and lacks the flame th...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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