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ash000986's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Oxnard, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 25
LOC: Oxnard, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 25
www.myspace.com/blender_reader
Items
Version 1
17 Reviews
3 Comments
A high ponytail, just the way I like it. Brownish-blonde, with a few loose strands falling over her sky-blue eyes. "Can I help you?" I hesitate; I don't even like these wretched drinks. "I'll take a small jungle berry," I say, choosing randomly off the fruit juice stand's menu. She mixes assorted fruit into a blender. "How did you get this job?" "A friend recommended me," she says. "It was easy." She pours the mix into a cup and hands it to me. I pay. "What's your name?" Bad move. "Why?" I se...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
On the shelf, neglected, My Kama Sutra lies, Collecting dust and yellowing As time tick-tocks on by. Its contents remain foreign, Produce no ecstasy; It doesn't serve a purpose Except in fantasy.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
4 Comments
Death is flourishing inside of me; A better cure Than sarcastic angel-white.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
2 Comments
The handsome guy recites sheer nonsense, Rhyming nonsense, Mathematical passion on his face. The pretty girl is helpless; Starstruck, eyelashes fluttering, She teases him with a smile, Her morals rendered archaic.
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I actually count Cloverfield as one of my favorite movies, so kudos to you for writing a wholly convincing review. You've really captured the essence of criticism here; it isn't about whether you agree or disagree with the actual verdict, it's about how well the reviewer can argue their case. My only criticism, though, is the first paragraph, the first sentence, specifically. Using the movie title right off the bat seems too forceful, in my opinion. "The movie ... ", in my opinion, would be m...
"Persist on we must until we stop" ... besides being a disorienting line, grammatically speaking, stop what? Existing? It's poor diction. "A paradox soon opens which cannot be closed" ... here you treat the word 'paradox' as if it were some kind of portal into another dimension. Again, poor diction. I could go on, but I think you get the point. You're trying way too hard to be profound, but there's no real insight here.
I don't like Line 1: "Empty and forgotten" is too cliche, first of all. Also, why an empty liquor bottle to represent it? Not that it can't work, just, of all the possibilities to represent "empty and forgotten", a liquor bottle seems a bit random. Lines 15-16: the second sentences are a bit too long, disrupting the flow of the piece. Overall, though, I enjoyed it. Plenty of great similes and imagery and analogies. Good job.
Line 1: Why point this out. What significance do the trees have? What do they symbolize? Also, if it is nightime, one can assume the trees are dark. You don't need to tell us so. Line 2: Overwrought. The sun doesn't smile. Your personification is weak and childish. Line 3: Bad diction. Whether the light is "failing" is highly debatable, considering how it always seems to come back within twelve hours (give or take) Line 4: Perhaps, but why is that relevant? Umm ... after that, you just lose m...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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