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ariion's profile
AGE:
67
LOC: Seymour, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 14
LOC: Seymour, MO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 14
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Octavia Pompeii Chapter One Fuse pushed the barn door open and found a girl sleeping on the hay. He blinked, staring at her, not believing his eyes. After a moment he walked over and nudged her foot with the toe of his boot. "Hey, wake up." The girl curled into a ball, shivering from the cold, but didn't open her eyes. She wore patched overalls, baggy on her small frame, and a gray canvas jacket. Her shoes were the shiny patent leather kind, but worn out, with no laces, like something from t...
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Hi, I found this to be a very interesting read. Characterization is strong, dialogue is crisp and realistic. The pace is fast and smooth. Charley
Hi, Great story. You’re right about the narrator being half crazy, but witty all the same. Might be all those bottles of Jim Bean. I like the first-person point-of-view. It worked well for this story. Characterization is great, the dialogue crisp and realistic. The pace is fast and the prose smooth. I couldn’t find anything to pick on and I love the premise of Hitler having a grandson. I wonder if he did father any children, probably not. Charley
Hi, You’ve gone straight to the heart of a problem that is growing worse by the day. This article is a perfect description of how bulimia nervosa begins. Some young men are afflicted with the disease but it’s much more prevalent in girls and young women. And it’s no wonder. Just as you said, advertising in all forms, extols the slim female body, implying that if one weights over 100 pounds, then he or she will not get the shiny new car, the high salary career or the perfect mate. The skinny m...
Hi, I’m new to critiquing, so please let me know how I do. I like your comment: “Please don’t post comments about using punctuation, or capitilization. Yes, I realize for all of you English gurus out there that it’s annoying, but I think it just lends to the feel of the poem. So get over it. :P” And, yes, I can imagine how some of those English eggheads would cringe over my writing. I hope they just stick to their textbooks. :) Poetry / Taffeta PAGE 1 OF 1 every girl wants to be a princess sw...
Hi, I’m new here and not sure of how things work. Even though I’m coming in at chapter 7 of your book, I was immediately caught up in the story. The pace is quick and the action very good. The dialogue is crisp and realistic. Characterization is good and the scenery nicely described. You have several people involved, but it was still easy to keep track of them. I look forward to the next installment. Ariion (Charley)
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