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AGE:
21
LOC: Waterloo, IA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 04
LOC: Waterloo, IA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 04
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Version 1
13 Reviews
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Stolen Pardon me for watching, Excuse me for barging in. But secrets are made for telling, And you can’t keep yours withing. You think your scars are covered, The pains locked deep inside. You’ve forgotten souls have windows, And you have yet to pull the shades. Who told you life was easy? Who fed you such lies? Hearts get burnt–and not just yours. Souls are fed poison, people make mistakes, Love dies. The path promises to be rocky. Will you push away a helping hand? Chorus: Frustration, conf...
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Version 1
1 Review
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Reveal to me your failures. Allow you scars to shine. Embrace your imperfection. We can all be free again. It’s our faults that makes us human. For we all have fallen short. Bring with you your iniquities, A celebration of our humanity. Conform to this disaster. Armageddon is at hand. Death will soon be coming, So lets enjoy the ride. Let go of their expectations. Relieve you hidden pain to me. The human race is failing, We are free to live again.
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Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Different? Shun pop culture, Stick with cliches. Work to be different, In just the right way. Rave about the order. Man, society sucks. Embrace the anti-culture. Now, conform to them. You've stepped off the beaten path, To walk a road less traveled. The boundries are a little less straight, But they're just as defined.
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Reviews
This is an interesting poem. I like the use of opposition and condrictions such as "Give me nothing Give me all you’ve got" and the final line. It illistrates the oximoronish ideals of freedom. Wanting to be free to choose, but looking for someone to follow, wanting to be free, but wanted poeple to protect us. It's always a balancing act and a bit condrictary. I think your use of words expresses this beautifly I don't know how well it fits into the rest of the poem but the lines "Give me futu...
I enjoyed the powerful vagueness of this piece. I got a deep emotion reaction without really being able to comprend completely what the piece is about. This emotions, gut, reaction is what make poetry such an interesting type of writing. The emotion drives the type of poetry I enjoy most. With the exception of the word nipple, which I have a strange bais againt anyway, I found that the choice of words worked well together to great a desperate, final emotional state.
Wow, I really like many of the phrases in this poem. It's dark, but powerful and even beautiful in it's own way.
I'm not excatly sure what you were going for in the story, but I did enjoy much of the reading. There were many very good lines of text. The beginning paragraphs about living in 2-D were great. There were a few changes for 3rd to 2nd person, but otherwise, interesting. Are you planning on continuing?
Wow, the ending of this piece really makes the paragraph. It's not a long work, but I could see it for the beginning or prologue of a longer work, novel or short story, or even the introduction to a movie. An addiction would be truely satisfying if the subtance also became addicted to you..or would the take away the joy? um, something to maybe explore if you ever want to length or continue the piece. Keep writing, it's powerful.
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