anaphylaxis's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 08
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 08
spare me no quarter, and expect none in return.
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Version 5
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suffer this imagination slaves to circumstance somewhere a lord is made peasant by ignorance an invective is an invitation this invitation is a request a request made with emotion overtaking reason a reason , an idea an idea is an incarnation of beauty and beauty is being able to express to another a way to percieve something beautiful how does one learn to percieve? what is my concept, my point of refrence? what are my boundaries? what is the terminal limit to my ability to understand? slave...
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first stanza last line, pluralize "one". the piece craves greater detail, more to hook and interest a reader. it also feels like its going somewhere, but it ends so abruptly.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
we're, a contraction formed by linking "we" and "are" were: the past tense of "are" other than that, this was passable. vague, but acceptably so.
0.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
aside from the second to last stanza, i was bored. the rhymes seemed forced and stale. word choice in parts of the piece interrupted the over all flow and your poetic style ranges from promising to something a stroke victim would say. the meter is disjointed and lends no creative support to the topic. it is as you say in your note to reviewers "silly", but thats all it is.
fortunately thorns arent scented, so yes. i dont think this quote is quite as rhetorical as it is intended
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