altosaxgeek5's profile

altosaxgeek5 avatar
AGE: 15
LOC: Oakland, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 28

I am your (a)typical teenager.  Music is a major priority in my life. I play saxophone, guitar, piano, and bass.  I’m also interested in poetry, religion, politics, cooking, and being enlightened.  Nice to meet you.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Flash Fiction / Hail to the Chief
Version 1
8 Reviews   2 Comments
And now I'm wasted. Or maybe everyone else is drunk. I mean, I only had one drink... no, not six. Either way, they're the ones at fault. This is my home, my heaven, my asphalt utopia, and I'll publicly abuse whatever substances I wish. All they can do is call the cops. My cameo on the news can be the germination of my campaign for President. Everyone will know my name, and everyone will be able to relate to me, the great American hero. The first to step outside while swimming in his own glor...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Sketch of Karma
Version 1
12 Reviews   17 Comments
There a brewing pot of coffee in the kitchen and my ashtray's full. The whispers of this world have now decided that I'm the fool. And if I make it through the day, I just might as well go to work, Because pretty soon cash will be the only light we have in the dark. You pale eyes overflow and then the cold floor turns to leave. This life is how we live it and right now we have all we need. The pain is only temporary; We can make it through. All we need to medication and a mindless job to do. ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
2 Reviews   3 Comments
Oh yes, that's corporate love. Bought and sold at premiums in glamorous L.A. slaughterhouses. Deflowered talent, stripped and lying naked on frigid bathroom floors, feeling the pain of self-worth. Milk it, milk her for everything. Fatten her up and pump in those drugs. Pump in that starpower. She'll make you millions.
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Moonsong
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Crimson skies. Teary eyes wiped lazily, as the sunset awes the sleepy crowd. Golden ages. Lost in insincere smiles, tarnished by ignorance and illegible murder. Baby blue flames. Screaming from humanity; the voices of the voiceless, orating the hymn of purloined liberty.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews   2 Comments
Don't you see the crying faces in your lies of nicotine freedom? The eucharist of truth is shrinking, hiding away in this smoldering brutality. The bloody death of chivalry is creeping silently up on us. That loving realistic fallacy washes to shore our long lost minds. The dark blue waves of this reverie pertain solely to our jealousy. I sure hope there'll be nothing left of me to see the future drown in sin.
Ratings & Rankings
 Plus-button Clarity
Reviews
Flash Fiction / Watch Your Mouth
Oo, very interesting. I'm left wanting more, in a good way. Very nice dialogue. The only thing I don't understand is "You're close, Wedzell." I wasn't really sure what that meant without context clues. I am a bit disappointed that Wedzell only knows one four letter word. He seems like such an eloquent speaker. Hehe. I really like this. Great job.
Poetry / Misplaced
Stanzas 1-4 are borderline cliche. Some of the rhymes are a bit mundane. The only line that really jumps out at me is "This mask is making a permanent home in my skin." That's interesting, and original. I think you could reconfigure this a bit, omit some stuff and add some new stuff, and make it very interesting.
Poetry / IN BLOOM
Is this supposed to have a rhyme scheme? I think you should read this aloud to yourself, because some lines don't make much sense. "Revelation" and "good and the ill" seem forced. Also, some puctuation would be nice. Good job, but it needs some work.
You lie on your bed. Or, I'd prefer "I lie in bed..." which suggests that you just woke up, while "lie on my bed" makes you seem more disconnected from your bed or uncomfortable. I don't think the comma isn't necessary at the end of line 1. No apostrophe is necessary in "bees." I think that "collecting pollen" sounds a bit technical, and not really fitting with the tone of the rest of the piece. Not a bad piece by any means. Just needs some polishing and tightening up of the language.
Poetry / Painting Walls
Ehhh. It's so prose-y. The story is very interesting, but I think it would work much better as a short story or flash fiction.
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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