alicejagged's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Glorieta, NM
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 23
LOC: Glorieta, NM
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 23
i like to write. i write about different things depending on my mood. i am NOT a professional, and most things i write i write in under ten minutes. so enjoy, and i cant for your opinions!
Items
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
She does not sleep at night. Little does anybody know she has a horrible secret clawing its way around inside her head. She can feel it. The little black book on the floor holds no riddles now, as neither do the emotions or pain of other people inside it. Nobody is real. Nobody feels pain anymore unless they are a special certain person. One of those people that you always see. but never notice. “Why cant i be normal!?” she thinks to herself, noticing the dawning light creeping its way up the...
Version 1
3 Reviews
6 Comments
"YO happy birthday man!" Screached bob, who burst though the bathroom door while James was taking a shower. "Get the fuck out of here Bob before i break your jaw." Said James camly, half opening the shower curtain, "I'm serious man, get the fuck out." "shit dude don't get pissed off. I'm going to eat some of your pizza." Chortled Bob, skipping out of the bathroom and slamming the door behind him. Bob slowly walked over to the sofa, sat down and opened the box of pizza lying on the glass tabl...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Lily continued walking down the dark path she had chosen, infuriated with what Binks had done. Not only could Lily not think strait, she was getting more and more worried as the minutes passed. She came across an unoccupied bench under a burnt out street light, smooth her dress down in the back, and took a seat. She had just laid her chin on her fist when an unfamiliar voice washed over her like ice cold water. "Excuse me, is this seat taken?" Asked the stranger. Lily looked up into the mans...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
She touched the pipe to her lips and lit the rock. She Rolled the pipe in her fingers, Sucking in slow and soft. She got the satisfaction she was looking for. "Your face ever so gently," She wispered. Looking around to see why her companion was not answering, she slipped off her high back leather chair onto the floor. "Thanks to a great childhood," She said standing up and rubbing her hip, "i can no longer feel comfortable." "What are you talking about Lily?" Laughed Binks, bending down to p...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Grace and the Marionettes Their eyes burned with the reflecting orange glow of the fire, licking every bit of oxygen in its path with its blistering limbs. "The Marionettes have been defeated," Informed Mathis to the cold air. "This time." Twelve used carcasses of dead Marionettes littered the floor, splintered and broken. Crimson red blood like fluid trickled steadily away from their slashed bodies, leaving them blood-drained and blank. "It's a wonder how we were traced," Said Grace camly, ...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
great story! apart from the obvious spelling mistakes, there were a few sentences that didnt really make alot of sense. for example "Francis unfolded his left arm, his hand fell with knife, the sharp blade topping off at the shins. He walked to the carving table planted in the center of the kitchen, never once, taking an eye off the prize. Then with a continuous motion, he sunk the blade deep into the butchers block letting it go. For a moment, the malicious knife danced like a javelin that h...
the only thing i personally didnt like is where you explained the disease. it took the mystery feeling away from the story and added a boring science class feeling. overall i loved the story, and i hope you add on to it. or maybe you have already done so?
i really enjoyed the main story as a whole. there are as you know many spelling maistakes, and alot needs to be worked on. for insatance when somebody talks or has a thought shouldnt you always put quotation marks at the beginning and end of each persons sentence? adding more detail and drama into the story would make it all the better, and some sentences dont make much sense. "the air looked like it stopped for a minute" doesnt make sense. revision and lots of thought is needed.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
the first critique i have is on the fourth page. the grandpa never finishes the end of his sentence. "there has to be more tha..." She seemed magical to me then, and still, she probably did not even know that I existed. I was sure that she had forgotten our brief encounter on the first day. I noticed that on a few of the days, she would carry a small pouch of lemon drop candy around when she wasn’t busy. this was confusing to me, but maybe i didnt read it right. there arent many things i thin...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People












