What a beautiful rage. "Sinister and tender" someone called me earlier. It's fitting here. I love this poem, but you need to get rid of the introductory comment. You tell us up front that you think it's crap. Then why foist it off on us. Then if we like it, you make fools of us. Bullshit. Especially on a piece like this. That's just not fair. It's violent and scary and lovely and raw. And it's not crap. You're just wrong about that. Change your mind. A couple tips, just to help the presentat...

This is great. I just listened to a sermon about the death of Saul, so it particularly resonates with me, though I'll say that I don't think someone needs to know anything about Saul or even anything biblical at all for this poem to work. The imagery is great, and the selection of words is superb: "my servant's knuckle" "grope the face of God." Jeez, that's a stirring picture. Very well done in such a spartan piece. TNX!

I don't get why you chose this category, rather than poetry. Perhaps you don't consider yourself a poet, but this is certainly poetic, almost lyrical. I love the play on words with gift, present and presence. That's frikken clever. I'll probably steal it for a poem. Well done, good insight, but find your best presentation! Embrace your inner poet! TNX!

Holy crap, are you crazy, putting all those ranking criteria in there? Are you trying to piss people off? Jeeezus, half of them are totally redundant! If I ever see that stack again, I'll just skip the piece. What a pain in the ass those things are. All that said, I loved the poem. I don't understand why you broke the lines like that, as if it were a narrow column of prose rather than a standard structure for a poem. It's kind of neither here nor there ... that said, it's not out of sync wit...

Nice. Super nice. A little inconsistent in tone, but it took me back, and gave me such a sweet sentimental moment, enhanced by the vagaries of the imagery. I gotta wonder how this works for anyone under 30? What the hell... what do they know anyway? TNX!

That's simply the best one I've seen yet. Well done.

Are you sure this is fictgion? It has all the clarity of memory, without the usual scenery and fill that fiction tends to produce. In either case, it is beautifully written, very clean and concise. Let me emphasize--very CLEAN. It's good work. This would get picked up by Reader's Digest or any women's magazine in a heartbeat. Sell it!

That's nice, kinda surprising. I expected "you" to get up and dance at the end there, but instead, it becomes this reflection on some other. The word choice feels good. A simple little poem, pleasant and satisfying. TNX!

By me, that's a full ten. I love this poem, everything about it, the unconventional structure, the similies, the imagery, the word selection... did you mean "loosing" on purpose, or did you intend "losing"...? It's a stellar work, but you undoubtedly know this already. These lines are great... "Will never bud again and bare their orchid teeth;" "Which barely bathes the dry-hump and Dry-heave disinterest" But so many are. The whole thing is really exceptional. I don't ten lightly. Maybe two o...

This is a beautiful poem, resonant and moving. It touches me deeply. Imagery is strong, use of language is good, use of repetition is deliberate and powerful. I love that. Let me get that out there, right up front. Now, as to criticism ... what the hell is with the structure? I'll admit that I am seeing more of this LATELY in particular, and thus, I wonder if there's some trend underway that I'm just unplugged from. The line breaks appear almost random. The sentences, breaking in the middle ...