Hah! I like it - don't we all toil away in the hope of reward!

Isn't that a song quote? True of many of us!

Allegory perhaps? Capitalising 'Saw' would add more emphasis to it.

Nice. But...the dream might be easier to find in the light...metaphorically speaking..

True of many regrets in life. Is it worth trying anew, or perhaps better to admit defeat and move on?

How do you revise inspiration? It belongs free and unbound!

'Mrs. Young could have cared less' - what could she have cared less about then? I think this is an Americanism - but to use it in describing an English story would sound wrong. Surely she couldn't care less - else the situation would not be worth comparing! Aside from that - it was a bit too formulaic. Mrs Young did this, then that, and then that and died. The doctor, did this, did that, and sat down. It needs a bit more life to it really. The premise is good - I wonder how the 5 kids will se...

Heh. This made me chuckle. I like the barely controlled anger towards the end - the sugar and toxins in the beverage are clearly affecting your rational thought. The reference to suckling on it like a babe was good - I imagine that's a marketeer's dream of newfound, mindless addiction. This could be good as an aside in a road trip or a story of the travails of life - it's a humourous and light episode, with a darker edge to it.