Amazing. You have so many different things going on in here, the reader is forced to pay very close attention. And you excelled!

I loved it. I think that it was powerful despite it's simplicity. I especially liked the line about a mind thinner than a twig. You used alot of descriptions I've never heard of.^^

I love it! It's easy to tell what's going on, but you're not telling us directly. I love that. I love how you described her eyes! [...maybe his]I can't tell who is who. And that last part...haunting. 'closed. click' Beautiful

I love it. there's humor and angst in there

Darkly relatable. But frighteningly beautiful!

I believe that you started too suddenly, forcing the reader to jump right into the topic. Maybe you could ease into that? 'I see them'. Again, sudden. See who? Can you perhaps add that there's someone there in a smoother beginning? 'half mast enthusiasm' is an excellent somewhat metaphorical phrase to use. 'they disgust me'-Who are they? Are they embodiments of the lies, or people that have lied before? 'sit in mock and musus'-blunt, but truthful. Maybe you could clean that particular phrase ...

I think you did okay. I don't like the first line 'I am sat down now'. It doesn't seem to fit. And you use a lot of good phrases [ie;monotonus chaos, spectacularly overcast, royally depressing...etc.] But I think you overdid it...alot. Just ease up on those, try telling us straight in words instead of so many metaphorical terms.

I love it. I especially liked the last line. [so long ago...yesterday]Shows how little time really means.

I think it's got alot of crude language that isn't necessary. Try cleaning that up a bit, as it is very unbecoming of a poet.

Brutual, haunting and dark. I'm amazed at what you've done with such a simple item.