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WryWriter's profile

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AGE: 50
LOC: Belmont, MA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 16

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Short Story / Grand Theft
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Dunnegan’s Tavern wasn’t a place you’d go unless you’d been there before. Just a neighborhood joint—a solid little tugboat amid a brooding flotilla of triple-deckers clinging to the grime of its seventy-seven beer-soaked years. If you grew up on McBride or South or St. Mark’s you walked right in. No one else ever seemed to try. The regulars were fine with that. A half dozen men sat comfortably in the tobacco-stained Saturday afternoon dimness. Above them, on the old wood grained Zenith, the R...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
“Bored tonight,” she says. “Want to chat? No car seats. Must love cats And Pats and hats and all the other Parameters I’ve put around my world.” I scour your keystrokes for clues, An archeologist of hope Searching for where I might fit Into your mysterious, hidden civilization. I rearrange the shards of evidence For insight into what you really want. A quote from Rushdie, 420 Or eyes that remind you of your uncle Harry? What fatal miscue must I sidestep to evade Deposit in your Trash folder? ...
Poetry / Passed Moment
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I never learned the right things The things that make blue-eyed women Swoon and sigh and say stupid things And smile when no one is looking I never learned to play guitar Or sketch quick stroke portraits in cafes Or carry a camera that captures your electric essence Running on the beach in black and white I stand by the elevator Your blonde head recedes down the hall Your name stuck in my throat The easy conversation evaporated like moonlight in eclipse I stare at the ceiling remembering The ...
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Reviews
I like the intent but I find the structure too contrived. You have some interesting images but the delivery is too direct. If you want to reach drug addicts, you'll have to be less overt in your delivery so that it will be plain that you feel their pain. A good attempt but I'd suggest that you work it a bit more. Explore the emotions and pain and worry less about first letters.
I definitely get the moment -- being in a situation when you wnat to take action but can't for a dozen reasons. Really upset that the person the protagonist is longing for is falling for someone inferior (clumsy fingers, quick to climax, left you empty). Perhaps a bit angry at himself/herself for not taking action (the need to belittle sexual prowess). I like that the language is crisp and straightforward. What's missing for me is that you are so focused on the object of your anger that we ge...
This starts really strong in the first stanza but then I lose the thread of where it is going. I think I'm getting something about ancient Rome or then maybe I'm at Nantes or some other Roman ruin in France (the champagne reference -- which I guess would put you farther north than Nantes). And then comes the Hitler reference -- which could bring us back to France and collaborators but somehow I doubt that is it. At the end of the second stanza did you mean "souls" instead of "soles"? And at t...
Poetry / Working Late.
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