WriteToFight has no favorites yet.
WriteToFight's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 05
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 05
Hi,
My name is Sam. I’m here to learn by reviewing others. After I feel comfortable enough, I will submit some of my own work.
Items
Version 1
16 Reviews
3 Comments
The first memories that I have of Jonah are of him working in his garden. Even in my youth he seemed older than you can imagine. When you are younger, the old seem so unreachable … and then you find you’re there yourself. I have a garden now. Now that I can see my son, John, playing in nature, I’m beginning to feel for my garden. Maybe I’m even beginning to understand. I owe so much to Jonah. When you reach your forties, a sense of ownership becomes incredibly important, but maybe ownership i...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
I really enjoyed reading your story, it keep my attention and wanted to read more. I did not want the story to end, I wanted to know what happens. I would like you to write more and tell me what happens with Marlene and Gracie. I like that used a dance teacher that Gracie was attracted to, it is very similar to most romance books. I think if you write more to the story and fix up some of your sentence structure, then you will be able to get published. I would definitely buy your book! Good lu...
I would not want to get you angry. lol The story was very graphic in my mind, but the imaginery was very good. I like the sacrastic line, "no more lumps." I think that you should elabolate on the ending. It seems like you have more to say. You need to fix some of your grammatical errors, it makes the story distracting. Overall I would say keep up the good work.
It was an interesting story. It was not what I was expecting to read. I found it to be a cute story, I think that it has some potential. It seem like a Romeo and Juliet story. You should try to step away from that. I also felt that the ending was a little rushed. He proposes, then they are on the bed. You need something to lead up to that. I was a little confused. Maybe add that they never had sex before because she was waiting until she got married.
Interesting concept in that you're philosophizing what cold is by stating what it is not. Then I like how you counter that with the "sun's sharp kiss". Good haiku structure and depiction of nature, with some unique character.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
