Wituckatron's profile

that's funny ~ like a haiku sestina ~ never read haiku so tongue in cheek, good humored and free of self importance. general show don't tell criticism: in penultimate line, i'd consider removing the telling word "profoundly", and instead show profundity. the word "profound" works satirically in the opening voice. but you seem to contrast the tone in the last three lines, which could be a potent device if they contained a profound image for ex. if any of this is unclear [or if you felt like co...

can you capture the feeling of "angelic" in an image? replace abstraction with the sensory cheers, mw

if you like the traditional english ballads [the form this poem is written in], you'd love emily dickinson. have you read her? she has a thick book of poetry in this form. at this point in the development of english verse [barring a resurection of dickinson] the traditional ballad remains only useful for humorous poems [vide ogden nash] if you love poetry and wish to get better ~ READ POUND --ezra pound. abc of reading

nicely nuanced [still] moss! a great surprise at the end opens with "and" like EP's cantos [so much has gone before] would be hard to improve ready to publish, i think great story in wee

something this short must be proportionally sweet no room for dead weight opening line weak. would be better as the single word 'echoes' or 'echoes of bittersweet' or 'echoes of bittersweet whispers/whispers' *** i feel unsure of this line b/c of the abstraction 'absense' [ie, no image]: 'the keen scent of absence' ponder it a bit more and see if sum thin better occurs... *** 'wrapped in these jumbled covers' [think about pulling 'these'] *** 'naturally' does no work *** this kind of writing ...