Willow_Wren's profile
AGE:
63
LOC: Germantown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03
LOC: Germantown, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 03
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Items
Version 1
51 Reviews
65 Comments
Love Love is lick and a run of luck – Runs hot, runs cold, runs amuck. Rattles your cage, pumps the old blood – Pours from your pores just like a flood. Ever so gently it touches your heart Then stings you meanly like a dart. Fills you with feelings that make you shout, Other times makes you want to pout. I love love. I crave love. I need love. But I rather go without.
Version 1
120 Reviews
137 Comments
Failed life, gained success, started therapy.
Version 1
77 Reviews
95 Comments
Slowly, ever so slowly, I peel off the layers, uncover your firm white flesh and stroke by stroke I make you ready – you are hard now – but soon you will simmer till soft.
Version 1
75 Reviews
99 Comments
I can feel you like the nematode that runs under my skin leaving track marks as it goes, those long meandering red lines causing me pain. I feel you in my flesh and want you out, you worm, so small and fast, antibiotics don’t do the task. Like a succubus you have come to harass me. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I do not hear songs, my heart does not leap. I am Pauline in peril. And you, vicious villain, have me tied to the tracks awaiting my fate as you drive that steam engine full throttle. ...
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Reviews
This is quite lovely and mysterious but runs on and could use some tightening and editing to make it more powerful as in these first few lines which I have tried to give and example of sorts of some tightening: In summer, wild wind in the branches, A sharp whisper at dusk. Through the blinds night stretches Etching out light. I am a nocturnal prisoner Doomed beneath ragged covers, Secretly seeking strangers. Though to be honest, if you are doomed beneath covers, how can you seek out strangers...
There is a lilting sorrowfulness to this poem that resides under the surface, as if one were to know the true meaning of the hidden thoughts of the narrator would cause some destruction to some vague other person. But as ebony is wood and not black crystal the meaning is unclear as to whether these thoughts are wooden brittle thoughts or black thoughts that are clear. And I am not sure what the metaphor of the the white brittle shell stands for? The mind is fluid and a soft mass. L2 needs a s...
This is written in the first person singular point of view and the narrator should carry this out through this dramatic narrative. Instead of saying, "those eyes" or "that sexual air.." it would be more emphatic and dramatic to say "my eyes" and "my sexual air.." since the narrator is speaking about himself throughout. Yet still there is not enough detail that expresses how odd this character might be, why has he become cynical? Show us some of his cynicism and sexuality. Tell us how he respo...
It would have been better if you referenced what it is you have learned that is true hypocrisy over extraordinary, it rings too general, as if all that you have learned has been a sham, and I doubt that that can be true. Something must have been of value. I don't think this really describes anyone fully as it stands.
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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