WilliamFairbrother's profile

hello The first two lines, if meant to depict lovemaking, kinda confuses me... to bathe is rather non-active - performing ballet, yet being silent - it just doesn't give me an image I can grasp hold of... Now, you've already written 'off-balance', so 'skipping beats' and 'out of sync' has been alluded to three times - I'd suggest finding one quick sharp image... The 'we' at the begining I took as a first person plural (you and I = we), but then 'ourselves' means that it was an editorial 'we' ...

hey dreamliner - this has a good feel about it - it's emotional, but held in check by the imagery... I would suggest adding punctuation and dropping the first word caps... >Flexible should be >soft where firm left off. as an example: this is a marvelous sentence, but without the punctuation it fades... just my two cent's worth... thanks for the read, w.

Review This is really good... First, a word about presentation: it seems obvious the poet is using a word processor, the capped first lines - which make it appear amateurish - even though the writing itself is clearly not... I wonder about 'preschool' - because the following list seems more to come from a 6 - 8 year old I liked the list, and thought it could be extended... >Carefree. - I didn't understand this here... >Moral lessons >Not gleaned from experience, >But from televisi...