WhiteRabbit's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: Bahrain
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06
LOC: Bahrain
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 06
My pen name is White Rabbit. I am a sailor and a cowboy right out of West Texas. I have been serving as a sailor for almost 20 years. I love to write to try to help others understand different viewpoints. I try not to write to attack or to hurt people. I love to hear how my work moves you or makes you stop and think. I also love to hear when my work is dead and offers nothing. This means that I need to work on it more. Please be honest with your reviews. Thank you.
Items
Version 2
1 Review
1 Comment
Your purple majesty rose from the foamy waters of the sea Your hard rocky face stood out against the clear blue skies Reminding me of where it was I wanted to be Reminding me of what it was I had left behind Your purple majesty stood watch over my small town Innocence existed because the people were protected The world had not yet corrupted this town that I found A quiet village where justice prevailed and love existed The four winds blasted against your mountainous bends After each direction...
Version 2
11 Reviews
5 Comments
Alex rolled over and tried to get comfortable, then he saw her. There she sat on top of his standing clothes locker in his barracks room. Still groggy with sleep, the logic, or lack thereof, of seeing Kim in his barracks room did not even enter his mind. With him sleeping on the top rack of the bunk bed in his barracks room, Kim was now sitting at his level. Embarrassed by his morning appearance, he tried to comb his black head of hair with his strong tanned hands. His dark eyes quickly glan...
Version 1
23 Reviews
13 Comments
I wandered the moonlit lane without you Searching for you with all of my soul My cup of existence overflowing with a desperate desire to visit with you again Setting ablaze my love for you once more From the depths of my soul, my memory of you has become a radiant flower In a garden bursting with the joy of a hundred memories The scents wrapping me up in a thousand thoughts I remember our evening visits down that lane Filled with our openness and pleasures that occurred in that private chambe...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Feeling dazed, what is it that I am seeking? Thirty something and my life is changing. Divorce, switching jobs and my kids are teens. I am mad, confused, and lost. What am I seeking? Everytime I look at my wife all I can see are the faults that were never there until recently Yes, she always had them, but never could I see Now these faults so overtly abundant to me We talked about the kids, finances, and divorce Both of us came from broken homes and vowed that we would never let our lives tak...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Today I boarded a most blissful ship A ship full of marines and mariner's shit Helos and gators, birds and small arms None of it really gave it any real charm Onboard were some blissful new chiefs full of piss and vinegar were these three not a one had a clue in all of this they were all fully lost in ignorance Also attached were some young first classes that didn't know a hole from their asses all of them lacked the experience of leading they were always going to leave people bleeding The op...
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Reviews
I am very thankful for the “notes for the reviewer”. Those notes helped put everything into perspective. I did enjoy the chapter, however, I also have some things that I would change. If writing for a target audience that will enjoy these types of novels, you might want to keep your vocabulary at about the 8th grade level. Words such as sidled and extricated could very easily be replaced with scooted near and pulled out. Most of the story seemed to be written at the right level, but those tw...
It is always difficult for me to keep in the flow of a poem when the verse is so short. It always seems so choppy to me. But free verse seems to be that way. I had to read this 3 times to really understand the emotion felt by the author. Again that goes back to my own fondness of a more extended tempo. I am no expert, so please do not take this as anything resembling professional critique. I loved the sentiment behind the poetry. If it were my work, I would increase the length of the lines or...
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