before we get unto the review im going to tell you a few things up front: 1. i dont think writing like this will be published, 2. you should probably start out with something smaller before you dive into a novel. a short story or novella would be better suited for helping you hone your skills. as for review, there is way to much telling in this piece, not enough showing. the first thing you do is break down thhis girls history (that is an info dump, dont use info dumps), then you rush into a ...

this is brilliant. do you have any idea how many pieces i've skipped because of the failure to follow your "titles" rule? anything that end is "pt. 3 - infinity" gets the skip click. and your "refund refund refund" rule, im a big fan of that one. regretably, i'm not really big one the networking and "workshoping" just due to lack of time, but i can atest that getting reviewers to post comments and commenting back is what really makes this website fun. i've sat up at night like a giddy school ...

the only realy error i found was the semicolon here: “This is interesting;”. should just be a comma. now, as for publishability (if such a word exists), i really dont believe this is going to fly for three reasons. 1.) i have no idea whats going on, and the few facts i do know were handled rather roughly. at first i though all these people were standing around then there was a flashback to when some stranger came to the land, but then he dissapears a pony and the story picks up like this was ...

short and sweet; i like it. as a first draft i think this is very good. from a glace its obvious that you've got a few good things going (i.e.- the words flow well, you are emphasising feeling in your characters), but i do have a few issues with the piece as well. firstly, there isnt a whole lot of develpement. the scene is solid, yes, but it isnt well rounded enough to paint a good feel, if that makes any sense. back to basics for a second (because im not sure how else to explain myself): a ...

i really liked this. i think the voice you chose for the character fit very well. the vulgarities, at least in my opinion, were well placed and not over the top. the story had a good feel to it, something essential when writing about stoners/junkies. my own real criticism is the part where the girl shows up, it just seems a little lacking. its a good, wierd little opener, some random girl coming up for no real reason at all and asking some guy to just follow her, but at the same time its just...

hah, yeah im sure thats one that pauges all of us. ive been there a little over a month and let me tell ya its still a bitch.

well done. the best feature about the piece is definantly your descriptive talent. as the reader im struck by the overwhelming dirtiness of the scene from the husk of the church to the ratty bums, all the way up to something as simple and mundane as cigarettes being presented as something pristine. the language felt polished overall, though some parts did feel a bit rambly, though i dont think it took away too much from the piece overall.

publishable? i give it a 6, though its porbably closer to 5.5; telent? definate 9; best sci fi/fantasy? eh... somewhere inbetween, i said 7 before i discuss why, i want to point out this line: "He had fumbled his fingers under the seat like a nervous kid on Prom night, trying desperately to locate his girlfriend’s elusive clit."- the fisrt part made the point with the fiddling under the prom dress. id cut everything after the coma though, just because its un-classy. ok, now for the review. i ...

probably the first row of strait 10s i've ever given. this story had EVERYTHING- the character was believeable, the situation was tense and entertaining, and you made the readr CARE. excellent work, and (to my humble, untrained eye) 100% publishable. what makes this story work so well, i think, is that not only do you keep the story moving without backing up to explain things (like you did in the "happy hunting" piece, or at least i think that was the name of it), but also you weaved an air o...

publishable? negative talent? possibly, but your going to need a lot of work clarity? sure, ill give you that one. the piece was clear, but clarity in itself isnt really hard to achieve. believeability has to back it up. convincing alternate reality, interesting plot and characters? so far, negative. man, that all sounds pretty harsh, but hey, relax. everybody needs work. in my own opinion, this piece just needs a considerable bit more work than some others. now, lets get to it. first, dont g...