This first pargrah is a little mcuh with all the I's This was a really good poient story. You basically slapped the reader in the face in less than a thousand words good-job. This only reason i didn't give it a ten was because of the first sentances were just a little much with all the I's Well best of luck in the future Dave

Really good peice. I like that this Justiine is trying everything under the sun to keep her love triangle going. The only thing i may have done is add an epilouge at the end with her meeting Neil at the airport or haveing her make a choice to stay with anna butyour ending worked great Good Job and keep on writing Dave

I think this story is actually acturate of most little girls. Good JOb couldn't find many writing errors to speak of I had a hard time relating to the charecter becuase i'm a guy. Guys had fun with a pack of baloons, a hose and a supply of unsuspecting targets.

So does your main charecter die in the end or does his or hers muse die. This was a piece that stuck with me and forced a re-read. I at least would stop with all the I's all the time you start probably better than half your sentances with I's Trust me it's a hard habit to break when you write in first person. Well like i said i liked the story but not really sure how it ended. Keep writing Dave

This piece for me is a very difficult read. It reads a little to technical for the average reader and the plot atleast is all but lost. If this is a poem that would explain a lot. If this is a story it really needs a re-write. The thing i would do is focus more on the climb and give me some description for building a mental picture in my mind. Well that's all, Keep Writing Dave

This is actually a really funny story i espcially like the way it starts by have a werewolf take a dump in someones yard. And everything else has a nice comic feel works. I think a re-write is in order because i think the ending needs another paragrah for the transfomation just an idea Best luck in the future Dave

I just really liked this story. I like the candy bar charecter names. I liked how you killed snickers. I didn;t find any gramatical errors. I couldn't find anything to improve Good Job! Dave

I would like the first thing i say to be this this story does have something there. My next point if allowed to be perfectly candid is what the hell is going on?! You said in your directions that you'd like to publish it here's my advice for that. 1 Explain why the floors and staring into the sky are so improtant. 2 Explain in a little or a lot (your choice) of detail Frank and Maury 3 Explain the profit margins and is there bussiness going under or what. 4 At the end decided is Maurry going ...

I'm not really sure what in the hell to make of this. This reads like someone wrote down several ideas for several stories. My idea for this would be take all these ideas contained in this peice and put them in a collection and call the collection Everything has a Story just a thought Dave

I liked this story but it's kinda ruff around the edges. This story is told from the POV of a ten year old. In my childhood at ten there was still a stric division of girls and boys. Everyone started to like each other when they turned eleven or twelve. It's very well written My advice to you is to sit down and re-write this. Wirk it over a couple of times and this good story could be great best of luck to you. Dave