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AGE:
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LAST LOGIN: June 01
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Version 3
5 Reviews
0 Comments
His hungry eyes graze, and feast upon her body. A banquet arranged.
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Version 2
11 Reviews
0 Comments
His hungry eyes graze, and feast upon her body, a banquet arranged.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Last night I held you in that familiar stillness of the air, Ardent lovemaking finale, labored breath as one, Pouring out into it, spilling into the quiet space, I tenderly held your face. Haunting echoes filled the room, Resounding the urgency of your sharp notes, As you clung to me panting and chanting my name, And then whispering into my mouth you will never leave, and I believed.
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Version 1
15 Reviews
2 Comments
His hungry eyes gaze, and feast upon her body, a banquet arranged.
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I love the theme overall of this piece. This is a very fresh subject. I remember some of the best advice I ever got when writing longer stories: "Write the chapter and take out half of the text." There is a lot going on here. Many conflicts are happening in just a few paragraphs. Take out double adjectives and minimize. Example: idealistic fantasy world, tall dark and mysterious, nice genuine guy, mysterious outside world... Let me give you another example of something that will take your rea...
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