This is a well written poem... I'll detail my feelings about your plight in a message so that you don't have to spend a million credits to read this. should be "it's broken glass" since it is a conjunction in that spot. "there's cut marks" should be "there are" since it is connected to "marks," not "cut."

Hell yes! A heroine who doesn't constantly need a manicure. I do find it strange also that people always picture unicorns to be white. What's with that? Sure, white is a conventional symbol of purity and majesty, but darkness also has greater meanings resting within it. Alas, color symbolism is one of the most trivial types ever to exist. In any case, I like it. I hope you find an agent or a publisher, that I do.

Exquisitely written! Perhaps the only thing that kind of slowed down the brilliance is the attention paid to the sound of the band playing. Perhaps this is because I'm not a club-goer so I would sooner care about football games as I would clubs, but even so everything else in the story was interesting. I can't say I like the character, but that's because she's, well, a whore. Not my kind of thing. :D But that doesn't mean that there's any fault of your writing. Your job is to tell a miraculou...

I must say that I do indeed agree with your topic. After all, young hoes are gross. Try to use some proper punctuation and capitalization to look more professional. You have a pretty distinguished use of vocabulary, despite the distasteful use of 'boobs.' I suppose it could be considered ironic so I guess it works. Whatevah. Take it easy, dawg.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!??!? WHY MUST THEY BE DOING THE NAUGHTY!? Cheating is baaaaaad. Seriously, though. Good writing, but the very blunt nature of it is kind of.. shall we say... 'holy hell.' Still, well done. I don't like the word 'penis.' =[

I'd say it's a little vague. It does evoke a lot of thoughts I relate to. Such as me not being able to bag the woman of my dreams that freakin' married an ex-convict. Enough about that, though. Still, I like 'emerald shades' and 'rabbit hole,' etc. Not bad! Keep it up. Oh, and the rhythm is catchy.

LOVE IT! I especially loved the 'self-loathing Jewish chapter.' Priceless. I had no choice but to give you a ten. This is something I've often wondered about myself. After all, isn't being against the prejudiced a prejudice in and of itself? I should have written it, but you beat me to it. Well done and kudos, my friend.

This is truly a heart-melting story. It's certainly a bleak tone due to the fact that it's hard to imagine things can improve, but I think anyone who has read this will hope deep inside that things improve for them. Patricia's difficulties with everyday life and the fact that she exhibits her longing for a positive male figure by pleading to her mother to 'play daddy' is especially heartwarming, albeit painful. I wish you the best of luck, but with all problems addressed and your incredible a...

Well, my friend, here is the problem. By content, the story is indeed enjoyable and I believe it would do well. However, in my humble opinion, if you would spice up the vocabulary the story would have more zest. The dialog sounds a bit robotic. It could be just me, though, since these characters sound a bit on the southern side and since I'm southern myself, I tend to avoid it. Still, best of luck.

I've never written a haiku, but I imagine this one is far better than anything I could ever come up with. It's a little bit of an odd topic to approach. I imagine you had some kind of recent experience with a coyote? Or, if there is a deeper meaning, I can certainly appreciate what it means to see justice be served in such a way.