Typewriter's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 16
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 16
I like lean, understated writing, short and sweet, like a photograph or Haiku. I don’t like overblown, strained metaphors.
Thanks.
More poetry here.
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Washing yourself after You run taps hot Then leave Go home Somewhere else I find it in the pipes Let it hit hands Wet face Crumbs for dogs Under tables No meal But its Still good Still
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A lace little licking tongue through the toe of a shoe A Rain waiter like me needs no holes only completions handshakes water money falling through fingers into pockets Methadone like green honey in the mouth corner on the sticky ends of fingers makes a glaze a tollboth a reprieve These the ends thems the sounds saw stones and stepped over them into seafront puddles lace picking sea water from the pool and taking it somewhere else
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I have a portrait Of all The passangers In all The planes That never landed A cup of water From the swamp Hit By a nose dive And a fuselage Thats buried Up to the tail Things break Fuel lines Rudders Door seals Pilots stewards And passengers Those smiles On departure lips A second After a kiss Like broad Suitcase zips And payphone goodbyes Look out from the page Like Dodos Before the boats came
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Mickey Mouse left this house At four A.M this morning Incoherent Blasted on his own Immortal brand name We tried to sober him up But reason had no stick The Mouse Was Soused Waking early I surfed the stations Stopping only for the news "Micky flips Leaps And Sidewalk hits."
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My father All he saved was An armchair And a bottle of whiskey So he sat down Watched his house Burn down and Toasted good luck on the lawn
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Reviews
What the f*ck! Strange, hazy narcotic poem. Interesting nonsense. Sometimes sharp, sometimes out of focus like a bad photo. I really like the line 'harmonic display.' It sounds cool. 'Please and rice?' Cool!
Lots of nice rhymes and rythams in the lines here. I like, '..warfare waged since the darkness of days...' Its a nice internal rhyme. The metaphor of the duck showing the mind how to float on the water/anxiety is neat. The line 'I will sink Lest..' maybe needs a 'you.' Like, 'Lest you..' Good work.
Lots of cool broken sentances like, 'storming sunday come down glory.' Full of slang and blunt language. I get a bit confused sometimes with the word orders sometimes, ie, 'that shits so said bad.' The word 'said' threw me. Its a diatribe against hard drugs, yes? Acid, pills are okay but not crack and smack. Its a common view point, I suppose. It feels very free and a stream of words which fits in well with the narcotic subject matter.
I like it. The ending brings a sad, poignant edge to the poem which is just right. Not too sentimental, it feels like heartbreaking truth. I'm not sure about the drug deal line- its not the right tone for the piece. You need something thatsmore country life. A small, small point. The word 'production' sounds too formal, too big for the tone of the piece. I can't think now but there must be a different word for this. Its a really, really good poem. I'm impressed.
....Tenessee moon? ...drunk at the wheel?....Grandaddies belt? I love this! The pacing is excellant. The names and speech conjours up a world in which the poem lives. My favorite poems seem to do that. The poem is funny as well. The word 'man-pride' is perfect. Its exactly the language I imagine the narrator would use. I might be thinking too much but is it a metaphor for a relationship? Brilliant poem.
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