Tyler_Jackson's profile
AGE:
19
LAST LOGIN: January 20
LAST LOGIN: January 20
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i'm here without you baby... or so it seems... but luckly baby... i have you in my dreams... i miss you baby... although your not to far away... i love you baby... and for you i'm here to stay.
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watching the pain... gathering into puddles... i see my reflection... then everything gets doubles... now i cant move my arm... and everything seems to be red and wet... things start to get blurry... as if i am insane... then i see the note that you wrote some guy... then it all comes back... you made me die.
Version 1
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you shot me in the head... with your lies of love... as i lay in my bed... i realized your shove... as you were pushing me away.
Version 1
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you appeared before me, and i got to see, what is was like to have a baby, but it was over before it began, after i held your little hand, i had to bury you into the land, you would of had it rough, and it would of been tough, but we would of always had enough, why did you leave, my little elizabeth.
Version 1
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a new hope i see, one has fianlly came to me, to put me back together, even when i'm under the weather, you truely care, and now i can share, the things i thought would never be but you have shown me, and now i see, that you are the one for me.
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Reviews
that was a wondeful poem, and it is very touching. it reminds me of an old friend. good job !
this is an amazing poem. i like it mostly because i wish i could do the same thing for my girlfriend. lol. but i do think that i has a good point and was written very good. good job.
i liked the fact that this poem did not rhyme. some just seem to be better when they dont, and this one seems to be one of those. but i do think that it may flow better if some of the lines where broken up alittle more like in the third line. but to me it was over all it was a pretty good poem.
i like this alot as well. it is very interesting and if you could put some thought into this alittle more you may even be able to make a pretty good short story out of it.
as short as this poem is it doesnt seem to matter much because this is to me an extremely good poem in which catches my attention and makes me wonder why the heart ache. by this poem alone you seem to be a very talented poet.job well done.
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