TnD's profile

Excellent perception of life. However, the frequent flyer miles doesn't really work there. Unless, you talk about how you 'fly off the handle' at things. Something like that? Hope this helps.

Overall, I think it's an interesting 'biography.' I think that 'ages' five and six should be switched, due to not making sense. But, even with the switch, you would still give the same impression as you're aiming for. At the age of nine, you make a mention of an hour, but at the end it's a thousand years. Continuity error or trying to throw off the reader? Twenty-three : ANother three startups? Twenty-five : The parentheses don't make sense. I _think_ you're aiming for it supposedly being 'hu...

-"fun, and the boss's" => No comma, no need for an apostrophe on the end of 'boss' -"kwashiorkor" => Eh? -Absolutely hilarious. Unexpected ending and I wouldn't change anything about it. Thanks for sharing this and I sincerely hope it DOES get published.

-"hunched over[,] as if" -Typically don't want to start a sentence with 'and' -"A great room..." => Sounds a little yoda-ish. May want to change that. -"rugs[,] tapestries" -"And a few..." => Maybe 'as well as a few...' or something like that. -The perception keeps changing and it becomes rather jarring. I.E. "She probably thought" then you continue with what she DID think about. -I enjoyed the story and it was rather moving. But, the switch in narrator/perception kind of detracts from ...

-"into and out" => IMHO, unnecessary. People know what penetrating and exiting is, good to stick with that and would still read the same. Maybe something like, "...and exiting of the taunt..." (and it should be taut, not taunt. Taunt is 'teasing') -"The needle rapes..." => Excellent imagery. -FYI : The cloth, while sterile, is also soaked in a soap-water mixture to clean the tattoo as it's being done. -Roses are typically red and green, where does the black come in? -mind perfectly[,] w...