TimeTravelingAcorns's profile

I think it was hard to read. Could have been because of the tense it was written in. Present is hard to write in and get away with. More power to you for trying though.

It's kind of dark...But I like it. Can't get the full effect of lyrics without music though. ]: But again, I like it.

ehh, it had me confused for a bit... I think you could go for using some more descriptive language. Like when he sees the knife in his hand. Don't just say "I saw the bloody knife that laid in my terrible hands." Use your imagination you know. Instead of the sentence I have quoted above throw some emotion into it. "My hands shook violently as I looked down. The knife that had laid so innocently on the table moments before hung from my blood stained fingers." Something like that...Not trying t...

I enjoy the idea behind this...even for just a description though, you probably should explain what a "shadow" government is....I had to look it up. Also...I don't really understand how they have internet, but then, I don't really 100% understand how the internet really works. So yeah, overall it sounds pretty interesting.