ThomasAlan's profile

What with the opening of "V" this week on TV and the proliferation of interest in aliens in general, this is a real treat. You have a sure sense of rhythm in your eight syllable lines, and the ABAB rhyme scheme fits nicely. I also like how you carry over the sentence between stanzas 1 and 2. My only quibble (and it's a small one) is with the title: although I understand it and it fits well (once the poem is finished), it somehow seems a bit vague or too applicable to too many other situations...

This is a very powerful beginning. That said, I feel it needs more detail. Could you give us a sense of where the character is? Also, I think you could describe the pain the person is in a bit more. And, WHAT vein is cut? Additionally, answer this: is this the first time the character has tried this? In sum, a good start, but it needs MORE. TA