TheWind's profile

I like it. It's very cute. I think you should put quotation marks when Marvin and Molly are speaking. The verse of "Look Marvin, her favorite sweater is on the bed, it looks like it would be fun to shred" The first line disrupts the flow of the piece. You might want to shorten it. Maybe to something like: "Look Marvin, her favorite sweater's on the bed It looks like it would be fun to shred" Or maybe even shorter so it would fit the rest of the piece. That's about the only thing i caught. It'...

I don't understand what you're trying to tell us here... I'm not sure that I like the beginning and the ending so much. It just started and stopped, in my opinion I think it was a very good piece though, you did a very nice job explaining the narrarator's surroundings and the scenes they go through. That's probably you're strongest point here, which is excellent.

I can see what you are trying to do...it's funny how some things can turn out to be different things. Maybe this would look better under "quotes"... There's nothing really i can say about this. You did a good job =)

I see what you mean with this. In the first lines, you're describing the monarchs, and then you're waiting...to have them gone...? Am i right? There's nothing really to pick at here; the flow is good and nothing is spelled wrong. I wish i could say something more, but all i can think of is good job. =)

I noticed that you tend to use The and She a lot, whichcould get confusing because there are so many characters. You should also explain who Ari is sooner in the book. I felt as though Ari was Luariana's best friend. I also didn't like how The Boy turned to Caspian. It didn't really...I don't know. It didn't really seem clear to me. And when did Lauriana get the key necklace? You have some good description words though. I felt as though I was there.