TheSatch's profile 
AGE:
31
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 18
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 18
I have wanted to be a writer since the age of seven, when I wrote a poorly-illustrated Science Fiction story about a boy who saves humanity. Since then, I have written a few more short stories, countless poems and recently completed a draft of my first novel.
My long-term goal is simply to be able call myself a writer: To have enough courage to speak from my heart and give of myself, regardless of the audience or lack thereof. I’m on Urbis to learn and grow. I enjoy reviewing and learning from the work of others and look forward to the honest feedback I’ll receive about my own writings.
Reviews
Love the reviewer note. :) Very good poem. The imagery did a very nice job of making me feel as though I was experiencing the nightmare as well. A few notes: First stanza: I loved the last line, very creepy. The first two fell flat for me. I'm not sure I "got" the simile between silence and the lamp. You appear like you're trying to explain that comparison in the second line, but I didn't grasp it. Perhaps I'm dense... Second stanza: love it. The comparison of fragmented ideas to an empty bul...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Great piece. I love the phrase "happy potted plant." That seems to really "fit" with the form, for me at least. Only suggestion I would make would be to find a two syllable word or phrase to take the place of extend. Something that evokes excitement or joy on the part of the plant. Perhaps "stretch on" or something similar. Your choice, of course. It's a good piece as is.
One of the things that I think marks a good novel is when the writer turns us on our heads by having his protagonist do things that "seem" out of character, but which actually come to define that character. When Bram kisses Brad (names might be too similar, btw. Might consider changing Brad's), you do something unexpected and I think it really works. Great work there. "forcing down bowls of cereal even though it hurt to swallow." - I love this. Lines like this give your character a real and u...
This is a good first draft to an interesting and quirky love story, I think. But it needs work. As it stands right now, it fell flat for me. For one thing, it didn't feel like whole story. More like an introduction to a longer story. There's no conflict or resolution, really. I'd encourage you to lengthen this. Also, I found myself not really identifying with or liking the narrator much. Phrases like "do you imagine someone ugly?" and "even the geeks with no chance at all with him," kind of p...
I really like this poem, and I think there is truth weaved well into each line. Most of the imagery is evocative and powerful. "often rejected to avoid chaos" - love it. A very keen observation. "overcomes the serpents that glare upon the innocent" - I like the imagery here. "Truth requiring a last name..." - Enjoyed this line as well, a strong statement. You really say a lot in this poem as I read it. Kudos for that. I do have one suggestion for improvement. I would try to break up and pace ...
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