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TheSatch's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 26
LOC: Colorado Springs, CO
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 26
I have wanted to be a writer since the age of seven, when I wrote a poorly-illustrated Science Fiction story about a boy who saves humanity. Since then, I have written a few more short stories, countless poems and recently completed a draft of my first novel.
My long-term goal is simply to be able call myself a writer: To have enough courage to speak from my heart and give of myself, regardless of the audience or lack thereof. I’m on Urbis to learn and grow. I enjoy reviewing and learning from the work of others and look forward to the honest feedback I’ll receive about my own writings.
Items
Version 2
5 Reviews
7 Comments
It's his first time without them. You can tell that he's uncertain, tentative, and even a little scared. "My mom and sister like to leave them in," he says to me as he stares at where the bumpers should be. "I'll probably throw gutter balls all day." I could hear the resignation in his young voice. Better to expect failure than to be surprised, I was sure that was what he was thinking. "I'll bet you won't," I say hoping that my optimism would spill out from me and that after getting his feet ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
7 Comments
I wish that I could take your pain away, And put it here upon this weary heart; To raise my heat and call my God today, To take your pain makes you of me a part. I wish to never see a look of grief, Except to see that guise upon myself; Your ails I'd give a great and whole relief, By bringing them upon my very health. I'd wish to toss with pain all of the night, To know that in your bed you gently lie; To see your grief a hopeful end in sight, Extracts from me a Heaven's loving sigh. And now ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
6 Comments
It's his first time without them. You can tell that he's uncertain, Tentative, and even a little scared. "My mom and sister like to leave them in," He says to me As he stares and where the bumpers should be. "I'll probably throw gutter balls all day." I could hear the resignation in his young voice. Better to expect failure than to be surprised, I was sure that was what he was thinking. "I'll bet you won't," I say Hoping that my optimism would spill out from me And that, after getting his fee...
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Reviews
Nice poem. I had to read it through twice to catch that the "you" was not one of the women mentioned in the second stanza, but that may have been my miss. Once I did catch that, I saw the thread of regret and felt it come through in the last stanzas. nice work!
This is a nice sentiment. The lyrics are good in spots and just okay in others, but I like the story behind the story. My only recommendation would be to address some of the rhyming words that struck me as a bit hokey "holy cow" and "bow wow" unless they fit the idea you were driving at, of course.
I am not sure exactly how Urbis has partnered with Google, so I can't speak directly to that portion of your criticism. That being said, I do not agree with your assertion that using Google is like saying your are ignorant. Rather, I think it would be ignorant for me to say that I don't need Google. You seem to be making the argument that a writer who doesn't always know the right word or words isn't worth his or her salt, and I disagree. For thousands of years, writers and poets alike have w...
I think that this is a nice idea, but it's not very original. That's not a bad thing, but I think you could take this and put your own original stamp on it. It also doesn't feel very lyrical to me. Rather, it reads like a series of short statements that don't really flow from one to the next. Try rewording these and adding your personality and I think you'll have something really good.
Not bad. I didn't find myself surprised or shocked at all by the last line, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. However, I think with a little work the last sentence could be more of a twist.
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