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TheFionnmeister's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
Hail!
Current projects:
Tales of an Offbeat Time: Opal’s Tale
A Gathering Stormfront
Items
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
The thin line of rattling caravans with their once-exuberant tent-tops, screaming, yelling, tireless children, busy, busy, worried mothers, uninterested fathers, wizened old men and wizened old women, barking dogs and unhelpful just-adults was tumbling out of the trees into fields copper, gold and yellow. Mara was somewhere in the middle of it. Red leaves fluttered and flittered around her as she walked beside the caravan, to a crunching...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
The crows were gathering above his head, wheeling and circling in the late summer sky, their cawing striking down at the barley fields. Life was moving. The deer were fleeing, the fish were swimming. Life makes room for life, and it was leaving this place. It’s not a dead place. Perhaps this is what it’s like to be a child in the belly? Witness to the feeling of life about to begin. Calm before storm. Life before life? Or maybe thi...
Version 2
2 Reviews
1 Comment
There is something strange about the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. It calls out to not become the same, to not be part of the greater picture. So much time spent constructing a beautiful framework and now this little piece will make it perfect, and all will be known that can be known, all mystery dispersed and dreams banished. The thought of what it could be is so much greater than the finished picture. Opal dropped the...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
With my great bloody spindle, I can straddle dimensions. Weaving fibres of times unborn, unthought and probably unkempt, into tapestries of dimensions you can't even begin to imagine, let alone fathom. I'm beyond your comprehension and my great bloody spindle is even more esoteric, being known only to me. Did you know that time is finite? Infinity is very, very long and time must be recydled. Oddly, if you take your time, you'll actually take very little. Don't you think that's an interestini...
Version 1
8 Reviews
11 Comments
There is something strange about the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle. It calls out to not become the same, to not be part of the greater picture. So much time spent constructing a beautiful framework and now this little piece will make it perfect, and all will be known that can be known, all mystery dispersed and dreams banished. The thought of what it could be is so much greater than the finished picture. Opal dropped the final piece. She had never completed a jigsaw. She stood to take her boo...
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Reviews
Okay, first things first: why did you spell skye the way you did? At first I thought you meant to make it sound archaic, but everything else is standard, so I doubt it. Then I wondered if you meant the Isle of Skye, but I doubt that, too. So, it's left me thinking you added an E on the end because it seems more feminine? You've personified the wind/sky a lot, and named her as a woman, so this is what I've come away assuming. I like this. Sky, sea, it's something I can relate to and understand...
You create a despondent atmosphere very well. Repeating "you wake up" was good, I think. I kept imagining myself waking up, and then I would see the desk and the computer again, and then again, which really helped to bring home the fact that I'm sat behind a desk in an office, bored and lifeless. Only thing I didn't like was the first line. It DOES create a dull atmosphere, but I very nearly stopped reading, because it was just such a lifeless line. And therein lies the problem. That line wor...
Yeah, I like this. It really appeals to the senses and evokes a kind of lusty emotion. Really good writing. To be quite honest, I can't think of a great deal you could do to improve this piece. Maybe give a hint as to who the speaker is? No, no, I like the mystique of not knowing who is speaking. Aah, the last line, I think it is a slight bit misleading, perhaps? Are they dancing the right steps without the tune, or are they making a hash of the dance because they've forgotten the tune? I thi...
I'm at a loss as to what to say to this piece, either it's brilliantly thought-provoking or just plain confusing, I'm not sure which. There seem to be a lot of disconnected words; binary, insulated, disconnected, immersed, yet it does all eventually lead to computers and that familiar feeling of staring at one for so long. Having said that, I'm going to reconsider what I first said. Okay, I think this piece is very effective, with a little bit of thought, it can be made sense of, and it goes ...
This is a well-constructed piece, and your use of imagery is excellent. I can't help but feel that it likes solidity and drive, though. There's a lot of emotional poetry out there focusing on sorrow, despair, sadness, etc...and to be better than all of those, I think you need to do more than just describe the emotion. You ARE very good at describing the emotion. Perhaps lengthening the piece and adding some lines about events that triggered the speaker's current state, or what their thoughts ...
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