Typo - "--he ran his HANDS through her--" I guess I missed a couple of sections. Still, with the recap I think I'm up to speed. Glad to see that Bria was, in fact, some sort of mythical being. Wargs? A nice twist. The prehistoric mythical monster. I am curious to see how you pull everything together at the end. It is very open right now. I'll read more as you post it.

You have a lot to get setteled in your last chapter. I'll be intereted to see how you resolve things. Your story is interesting, if you have posted them I'll go back and read what I missed. You do still need too proofread a little more carefully. (example: 1st Paragraph "--reveling A wide variey--" & "--niece WHOM she was raising, AND SENT her - -") Otherwise, good work. Write on.

Okay, you sort of ended it. One monster gone, but the Gorya (?) is still around. Nice ending line BTW. Somehow Cain with a basket of rolls struck me as funny. I did wonder why both Trec and Nash were so worn out after what seemed only a little effort. Otherwise, thiss wasn't bad. Not yet of publishable quality, but worth working on. (I meean the whole series, not just this one entry.)

I'm always glad to find a sonnet writer. I think sonnets are one of the best discipline developers the language has. Following a very set pattern in a rhyme poor language is a challenge. I like what you do here. From the starting line modeled on one of Shakespeare's sonnets to the final rhymed couplet you hold on to the concept. And, making it even more a challenge, you do it in the negative. That is, if I have a grasp of your main line of thought. (Which briefly is, love may hurt, but it doe...

An, the falling dream. My own is usually off a high cliff, like the ones the Mexican cliff divers use. Two things jump out at me as I read this. First, in spite of the view you describe, there is no sense of awe. I would think that should be a major part of the whole experience. The one place you do attempt to show a sense of awe it fails because the sentence itself is flawed. To whit - "The ground looks rocky and uninhabited, another reminder of how truly small I am- how small we all are." T...

Minor grammar point: It should be "even FEWER people to look after them" Not "LESS people" This seems to be a rather static scene. If I have the concept of what you are doing you have a phone conversation interspersed with news clips of fires and bombings. It doesn't really go anywhere. Tom knows no more at the end of the conversation than he did before it started. In fact, the things he does learn make him even more confused. The plot part is OK if you cover the missing parts in scenes after...

This is good, if a bit cynical. I do wonder if it is really poetry but that is for another discussion. You have some striping images here, and some very subtil ones too. I like the sneeringly speechless and irrefutably mistaken in particular. One suggestion: In stanza 5 the third line reads better as "we accepted BEING told nothing." That is more in the stye of the rest of the poem. As long as I am picking: What is the antecedent of "it" in the last line of stanza 5? I feel I'm missing someth...

It is hard to tell if something is publishable based only on its prologue. Maybe you should hold off asking that until more is posted. You have a good grasp of the language and a good vocabulary. Thanks, that makes for more intenting reading. Minor and quite picky thing. When I learned CPR it seems to me we didn't pump thirty times before resetting,it was more like twelve, followed by blowing into the mouth while holding the nose shut. I know the blowing is no longer common, but has the count...

To cover the good first, you have an intersting style and even this little bit makes me wonder what happens next. The not so good is that, though I found your style interesting, there are some sentences which seem very labored. Just a couple of examples: "Into the Americana decor I stumbled for a familiar dose of grease drenched food and cigarette perfume." This is a very awkward and rather artificial sentence. You reverse the syntax and imply a taste for the distasteful. Here is a rewrite wh...

This, I think, is intended more for the humor than the satire. It is a story (kind of slice-of-life) of someone very unhappy with his job. Did I hate it, no. Did I love it? No. Is it good? Well, it has it's moments. I think the blamestorming line in the haiku was worth the price of admission. The short daydream section is well done too. (Check the antecedent of "it" in the 4th sentence from the end.) I think the biggest thing holding this back is that it tries to do too much. It covers time w...