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Tequila_Mockingbird's profile
AGE:
51
LAST LOGIN: July 20
LAST LOGIN: July 20
Items
Version 1
26 Reviews
1 Comment
“Make sho’ you tell it right boy!” The ancient, tiny, coal-black man in the ratty woolen overcoat had a loud clear voice that made me jump when he appeared over my shoulder to give me this less-than-fatherly advice. I hadn’t even seen him get up, and when he shouted in my ear (he apparently thought I was just as hard of hearing as he was, despite the half hour or so of conversation we had already had) I raised up off of the wooden chair. “I’ll write the whole thing, just the way you tell it t...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
He ponders order silvered bright in rain, Gun-metal curtains cutting muddy streams. He hears each drop, yet one more soul to drain Down vast entrails of slick and sleepless dreams. He knew he'd seen and felt his master's sight The white and black he came to know so well When things that used to be so eas'ly right The children's cries still call his name from hell. The cigarette he lit with steady hands, He sees the smoke from stacks that scorched the sky That carried keys to solve the blood's...
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Reviews
Very good. We often finish, but hardly ever end our really good stories. Well done.
This was WONDERFUL! I realize that's not what you were looking for in a review of this, but I needed to share that..;) In fact, I shared your writing with my girlfriend and our 16 yr old son, seeing as I'm more than 30 years past being a YA. They loved it too. I think the fact that the storyteller is so engaging far outweighs the fact that the protagonist is just 4. If anything, I think it can be almost nostalgic for a YA reader to think about childhood. So yes, I think it will interest young...
A number of very interesting images here. I was taken mostly by the cold, sterile phrases up against the warm intentions ('Cold...hands blue.../pulse red veins' for example). Same pattern for the cold middle three stanzas framed by the relative warmth of the first and last. For me the positive served to accentuate the negative feelings welled up by the deceased in life. A very effective (if a bit too brief - it seems a bit rollercoaster-like in emotion) exhalation of the departed - One last b...
Wonderful - both in style and in substance. As someone born just a couple of years after the one here, your feel for the nuances of the time are spot-on. The story moves well, never bogging down, and the ending is just perfect. Not a huge, crashing, stunning scream of an ending, but the simple straightforward discovery. Much more captivating that way. I'm going to read the sequel right away.
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I enjoyed this piece, although many of the characteristics of Jean might be better served by showing more of what happened than just describing it. Perhaps a longer piece? But still, well done.
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