this is really good. what i want to know, though, is how old these kids are. u mention they're teenagers, but exactly how old? and u don't really describe what they look like, so i had a hard time picturing the characters. and they sleep in the same bed??? that's kinda weird, or maybe it's just me. i think it's a great start, though. good job!!!

well, since you're a new writer, i'd definitely recommend watching out for those nasty "to be" verbs. they're a pain in the rear and sometimes u gotta use them, but try to avoid them if at all possible. some of them are: "was," "were," "to be," "am," "is," etc. i noticed you used "to be" verbs 8 times in the second paragraph. maybe try rewording some of those sentences so they don't include those verbs. it makes for better reading. also, this sentence, "He had an appearance of determination i...

wow, you are definitely a very descriptive guy!!! i could very clearly see everything happening at the end of the chapter. very good! plus, i like supernatural stuff (hence the name!! :0), so i thought it was awesome. a few things that did bug me, and actually, i think it was the only thing: between these two sentences on the frist page, "Gabriel’s feet sink slightly into the grass of the front yard, the tension lasts only a moment on his knees as he begins to jog down the street. The smell o...

i think you have a great story here!!! i totally felt like i was in a different realm. the characters spoke differently, yet they still appeared human. i love the dragon. i laughed at his/her character (i'm not sure if it's a male or female). the only thing that bugged me were the various times you confused your/you're and were/where. i don't remember what pages they were on, but that's the only thing i could find that really bothered me. otherwise, great job!!!

i definitely like this, because just cuz you get older, doesn't always mean you're gonna be wiser!!!

the dragon!! i love that dragon!! lol i was caught up from the beginning. i didn't feel distracted by anything except the occassional missing word (for example, "She turned faced her cousins." i think u accidentally left out the word 'and'). i think you're doing a great job! i wasn't thrown out of the story hardly at all. your characters feel very real to me. great job!!

sounds to me like you're confused about the direction your life is taking and have regretted the directions it has gone in the past! very intriguing to me!! great job!!

lol i laughed. i couldn't help it. you are so totally right!!! lol great memoir!! this is one I'D definitely choose!!!

good opening, with describing their new housing. i liked it, although u might want to watch your use of apostrophes. there should be an apostrophe after the "s" in recruits in this sentence: "This room was used to lock up all of the recruits' personal belongings." also, i think you forgot to capitalize the names of the fire base and Desert Storm in the beginning on the 2nd page. it seems to me that Red Cloud is the name of the base, yet you only capitalize it at the heading. and i have never ...

"Sasha and Maryann only defending him. Maverik saying he needed to send Joseph to Military School and Evelynn agreeing. Jason and Erika saying he needed anger management. But Sasha and Maryann trying to win an already won argument." -- this whole paragraph doesn't seem to make sense. the sentences seem like they're incomplete somehow. and when you start out kira's paragraph, u switch tenses. first you say, "Kira sat in her room reading Wicked: The Life and Times of The Wicked Witch of The Wes...