I did not really feel this piece as a whole. The concept of drunken escapades at walmart is interesting, expanding it to drunken sexual escapades is even more interesting, I guess this work just isnt fleshed out enough for me, I need either more character development or more descriptive language. This just feels like a short outline, Its not bad, it just leaves me unfulfilled. Let me know if you ever expand it!

Magnificent! If this was intended to be moralistic, it flew over my head. But as a quick slice of life, ironic moment, Im completely impressed. You have said so much by writing so little, many a teacher has always suggested this was the goal. Great job! a 10

...custom stitched blue suits of statesman (plural..statesmen) ...in the world, with the only causality being a drummer boy (casualty) Your opening paragraph is alluring. Your wordplay is fun and an enjoyable read. I am completely confused, I have no idea whats going on here. Are the warriors, revelers the Orcs...why do they refer to themselves as men? The green skinned boy is certainly an Orc, right? The joke about the girl being a horse is genuinely funny and a great piece of dialogue, that...

Writing is a great way to cleanse negative emotions, to expunge memories. A great piece of poetry, not in my opinion. The next pop punk song?, could be. But I bet you feel better. My breaking point is now. Get ready for the war. For I won’t stop fighting Til my body hits the floor. Truthfully, this would be an awesome chorus.

Impressive, brief but bold,a 10

I should not be a poetry critic. But,as a general reader, I was entertained, caught a brief image in my head. Now, I would like my own green chair.

Pretty much a disjointed rant, im not spell bound by the language nor is my mind awakened to new viewpoints. Thats the extent of my literary review. BUT, a wonderful attempt, you must continue to spread this type of truth, I only criticize because in order to be heard you must be able to draw in your readers and/or listeners. I would like you to be heard. Preach, use anecdotes, appeal to emotion, get your message across. This is dry toast, feed the people cheesecake.

I really like the concept of the story, the haunting portrait, interpreted differently be each guilty viewer. Really great. 27 pages on a computer screen yet I had no issues with continuing on, you actually had me interested and curious. A good example of old fashioned story telling. Realizing its a rough draft, I will keep the nitpicking to a minimum, hopefully all helpful notes. "My henchman"- first paragraph, In a conversation between two elderly upper class british/europeans your charact...

Very entertaining! I shudder as I notice my own traits in your dossier of Urbisites. Generally, I review like a Copy Editor (because I was once) and feel like a Laureate (though I dont deserve to) I think I can shed some light on the "mystery buddy," I am guilty of just that, I befriend people as a technique of bookmarking for future reading, although I think this in some way affects my ability to receive/give reviews? Ive learned to steer clear of, "the gentle soul" and "the angry teenage gi...

Some minor typos in the first paragraph: After the she how mama taked about dog days Once I saw how long this work was I stopped collecting them, you do need to capitalize "Mama" throughout the piece. It was a bit difficult to get through, between the odd formatting (probably a Urbis upload issue) and the Kentucky dialect (I didnt enjoy reading Huck Finn either!) for me. When I did reach the conclusion, I was impressed, your pacing throughout is well done, your characters are well developed a...