ITEMS (4)
StickOnTheBeach's profile
AGE:
60
LOC: Oakhurst, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 24
LOC: Oakhurst, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 24
I am a Physicist and Programmer, mostly I write computer code for a living. I have been writing bits and pieces on scrapes of paper for years and now would like to get serious.
Please bear with me while I learn to transcribe what I find in my heart and in the world around me into poetry.
I think my first order of business is to take some writing classes and learn the basics of writing poetry.
In the mean time I am hoping to get some tips and feedback on what I have alread done and am doing.
While my writing needs much work, I have loved poetry since I was a teenager. It has always been a joy of mine along with nature and science.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Like a drop of rain Racing to the earth joining the stream of life. Flowing down the hills Across the meadows Through the forests From time to time Jettisoned off towering cliffs Through the air again Life reborn Those moments of flight Free my spirit flies Then once again Into the flow of life Racing amongst the rocks Twisting and turning Round the fallen tree Joining the larger stream Slower than before Part of something more Continuing on my journey Slowing to a river Moving with my load F...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
I am content and at peace just to sit here and revel where thoughts come from or mirror. I watch them flower, each a new impulsive thought. Each has a life as if they were a tiny robot. I watch the wonder of the beauty of a bottle, Although the ones in our minds make thoughts hobble. We are about bottles you see, about containing things, Ideas, feelings and then think ourselves as kings. I sit and feel the cube-ness of this room, the flatness of a wall and the space which contains it all. I s...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
You see my music But never hear the words being sung You see me singing, But never hear words from my lips The fan above I see spinning, Pushing the air round and round. The wind blows your hair, but never touched by my words. My words are spoken as songs sung to the deaf My poems written, as gifts for the blind. I write in darkness, Where no eye can see. I whisper so quietly, That no ear can hear. The sun rises And ignites the waves; never illuminating the sand till my words disappear. Washe...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Out for a morning walk, I paused and sat upon a smooth granite rock. I sat just to feel the pre-day dawn. I sat just to feel the cool and crisp air, And to watch the sky as it started to fill with an indigo light. A growing light which announced, The birth of this new day as it bursts forth with life. As I sat there on the morning cold rock, by the mountain lake, The water was calm, crystal glass, The silence was complete. Not a sound could be heard, not even a whisper, As the night stood rea...
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Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Just rip out your heart and give it to me. Give me your heart so I may devour it whole. Just rip it out, leaving you a cold empty shell. It is not just your heart but your soul I shall have. Your tears will only moisten your cold dry soul. So rip out your heart and give it to me. Is this what you think that I wanted you to give? Is this the vision you see for all, which you feel? Is this the pain life has taught you to know? Has everyone you’ve known, treated you so; Taunted and tortured you,...
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The thought and concern is well presented here. Most of the poem reads well. I do question the last line. It is ignorance or apathy? Must of the poem touches on apathy, and the lack of genuine concern and feelings for each other. Intelligence is none of the above; perhaps compassion is a better word and idea to use instead. Most of this stanza does seem to go too well with the rest of the poem or maybe I am missing something, which is highly likely. “Why are corporations individuals now? What...
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Good job. This works well. One thing I like about Haiku is its minimalist reduction the moment to a point.
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I really enjoyed reading this one. It is very good. Some of the images are great. "alabaster bitumen focussed sharp" and "tickling the hope homunculus" are wonderful images for what you are expressing. Yes the ending does trail off a bit. The last two lines "so human to forgive the divine" Is more of an after statement about what was just said. Do not take it out, it does belong there and really pulls it all together. Perhaps you could expand on "and company for its art" preparing more for th...
I loved the poem it is very well done and brings a hope that the wonder and mystery is not gone from the world. I especially like the use of "Gordian helix" as a twist on the the metaphor "Gordian Knot," for an intractable problem. I can not suggest anything to add or change. Much of this poem speaks to me in ways I just can't articulate; maybe it will come to me later. That is what is good about it. Poetry says what can not be said with prose and some poetry simply can not be talked about or...
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