Smintboyuk's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: Alexandria, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 27
LOC: Alexandria, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 27
Dart-throwing, car-loving, beer-drinking, chocolate-eating, soul-searching, roller-skating, ex-pat Brit.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
I stood where only the moon could see My search for flowering Dogwood trees The woodland still, anonymous, dark No sight, no sound, no flowers, no bark Gaze upon them and gratefully sigh Winter's departed, and Summer's nigh A gift to all their beauty discrete Before they make their quiet retreat For far too long it seems I've waited But with a glimpse my breath's abated As if Demeter has heard my plea Bestowing the comely Dogwood tree
Version 1
6 Reviews
9 Comments
arid fountainhead unreplenished reservoir athirst for brainstorms
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Cigarette tip burning bright Heart and head regretting fight Lit by lunar satellite Casting wispy shadows slight Ready to burst his feelings pent Pictures, words, memories torment Can't sleep, exhausted, consumed, spent A prayer, petition, appeals sent Staring out at a darker place Grief pervading the empty space Within the need for her embrace To gaze upon that divine face For all, the present's too soon done Once clear, his future, fleeting, gone Daily progression, life moves on For him, n...
Version 1
6 Reviews
6 Comments
humid, hot, lovers giggling in the fan-blown breeze tasting salty beads
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
The secret nature of a lover's tryst means to be lonely, but the breakup is worse.
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Reviews
I can't rate this highly as senryu, as for me it's simply a statement and two questions written in 5/7/5. It's still touching and full of emotion though.
I like the 4-syllable lines which give it a succinctness, and a 'punchiness', if you will. I could easily see this being part of a longer poem, especially if written in 8 syllables per line. The rhymes and word choices are simple but well chosen and pleasant. The whole piece flows well finishing with a thought provoking reference to physical or emotional abuse, completing what began in the first few lines with 'barbs' and 'quips'. The icing on the cake for me is the use of 'subtlety' and the ...
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