Sloper's profile
AGE:
39
LOC: Anchorage, AK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 09
LOC: Anchorage, AK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 09
I have been writing and posting to forums for a couple years now. My experience thus far is very good with helpful reviews here. I like to write about flaws in relationships and small epiphanies. I dislike seeing the writer’s hand in the work. I write reviews for pieces that I think have some redeeming quality—I hate to say “good” or “bad”—because we post here to take that quality and polish it to a finished work.
Items
Version 3
13 Reviews
1 Comment
LOSS By Mark Stevens Except for the uncomfortable prostate exam and the checking on my bad foot, Doctor Colvers and I bantered for a couple of minutes about the Seahawks’ chances this year while he read over some notes that the nurse took while she was checking me out. Tammy half-listened in one of the chairs and waited for her turn. The doctor would order her a lot more blood tests and ask a lot more questions because she was so fat. Her size was okay with me. I love her and I didn’t mind th...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
20 Reviews
6 Comments
Heroic By Mark C. Stevens When Meir Avraham came to the ghetto, my father Jakob, who led the Judenrat, clapped his arm around his shoulders in the street and proclaimed him a hero. “Survivor!” he shouted, “Arisen from the pit at Babi Yar. He shows us that even such a massacre cannot claim us all.” Meir was humble, his face was down-cast, his shoulders folded in across his chest like dove’s wings. I thought at the time that he wanted to hide the bullet wound in his side with his posture. Still...
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Reviews
With regard to your notes-- 1. Stereotyping-- It's true that you employ some stereotypes, but I think that you give the characters enough personality to keep them from being solely stereotypical. 2. Scene interruptions-- This brings up the fact that this, although not incomprehensible, reads more like a script than a story. It's not just the TV references (which were well done and reinforced in the text), but the whole thing has a sort of slick cinematic feel. Not to tell you what to do, but ...
You are taking on some big aspirations here. Writing mythology is a difficult task, as mythology develops within a culture in response to its more disembodied needs. Now, that's not to say that it would be impossible to sense and give word to those needs, but it is daunting indeed. That said, I found that as a commentary on mythology, I found your tale compelling. There are refences to at least a few creation myths here (the days of creation, Prometheus, etc.) and your take on them is interes...
This is a good horror vignette, a slice of life (death) story with a twist. I like many aspects of this piece. Your language, especially while establishing character, is scalpel-sharp, only revealing what we need to see as we see it. There are many good images that you run like threads through the narrative i.e the silence that is not silent, and dark that is not dark. Lines like "...a small child playing dress-up." also impress, giving with just a hint a greater sociopathic significance to h...
This is one of the best stories that I've seen posted here. There is much to appreciate. The character crystallizes throughout the narrative, becoming more fleshed-out through dream reverie and anecdote, as well as through present action. The two (past and present) are interwoven expertly, so that they read easily, although the action moves back and forth frequently. The more that the character looks back, the more that we sense his losses. You don't succumb to letting him simply drown in the...
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