ShiriHatcher's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Brooklyn, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17
LOC: Brooklyn, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 17
The name’s Shawnice. A teenage writer that goes to High school. I can be very nice and funny once you get to know me. Here to become a great writer some day. I love action, adventure, comedy and horror type of stuff. ^^ From my writing, it would be quite obvious that I like ninjas and any other things that belong in the action and gore apartment. If anyone read any of my Assassin stories than I roleplay as main character, Shiri on Myspace.
(www.myspace.com/bombshellshiri)
Items
Version 1
12 Reviews
3 Comments
In the dark cores of space, the brunette carried an unconscious Shiri. She beaten her wings continuously, keeping them both safe in the air. There was no doubt in her mind that she had gotten herself into trouble for kidnapping this blonde but it didn’t stop her. Rather finished what I started, she thought. Carrying Shiri on her back, she continues to travel among the cosmic air, flying near a planet. Shiri slowly opened her eyes. It took her only a second to realize that she wasn’t at home. ...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
It was clear afternoon when Shiri and Trevor was resting in the large cabin level of the airship on separate beds located upstairs, consumed by a deep sleep yearning to restore their energy they used while in Hell. Rika and her brother, Trevor gave them worried stares once in awhile waiting for them to awake letting them know that they’ll be fine and nothing happened to them. The one who was worried the most was Rika, her heart ached in worry that she felt about Trevor. Even when she thought...
Version 8
14 Reviews
6 Comments
Under the night sky, the moon took the color of the deepest reds. Petals drifted off in the wind giving a floral scent that can’t cover the smell of bloodshed spreading in the air. Japan is not new to murder caused by its native Asians. A blonde haired girl is seen in the center of the fallen bodies with a bloodstained katana tightly gripped in her left hand. Bloodlust filled her eyes that consumed the color of blood with no hint of emotions in them, her natural color of blue in her eyes vani...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
In the crowded streets of Los Angeles, a teenage man that had short light brown hair walked to his house. A house that stirs wealthy mansion. He didn’t think of it of as a “special place” but it did stood out from all the other half decent homes around him. When he approached his house, an automatic voice that was rich and strong asked “Who are you and what is your request?” “Jack Dirkwell, returning home.” He said confidently. “Welcome home, Jack.” The door opened in a sweeping silent motion...
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Reviews
Not bad. But I feel like the story is being rushed to be honest. There's hardly anything to know about the main character except that he/she is hiking. At times some words looked chop up like a poem. Don't get me wrong, it does have potential here. For ex. "I take off, sunset is breath taking." That is what you wrote in the story but it can be fixed into a more detailed sentence to know how the sunset is beautiful.
The story is strangely intersting in general. It was able to drag a reader like myself into it. Your writing style is closely perfect for a book. It would be similar to books like Harry Potter or Twilight since once you have one of those novels in your hands, people won't put it down. Pretty much, I enjoyed it. The writing kept me intersted from beginning to end. Even the title draws attention.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Eh? Those are six words... Ha. I'm not sure what do they have to do with short stories though. :)
I love this writing, you've done. Although, the story isn't the type of story I would choose to read though. :)Some novels are better off in 1st person and you proved why. The way you wrote it pulled in viewers in the turns of events that's taking place. Your writing style reminded me of Stephanie Meyer's writing of Twilight. Except that you're not writing about vampires. Just life in the beginning of this story. Either way, you've accomplished making each sentence clear.
To be quite honest, the beginning of this story confused me. When its read, "The small child hidden deep inside cried harder. Who are they?" I was slightly puzzled. I, a reader only understood that the the person felt completely helpless, curled up in a ball among the dusty ground and started to cry. But its not clear if you're talking about the same person another individual. Other than that, the writing is fine. It just doesn't seem that clear for viewers to understand the entire story.
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