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SeyeS's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: White Marsh, MD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 04
LOC: White Marsh, MD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 04
I love to create! Improvisational anythings range over my essense within existence. The art cannot be separated from the life.
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Version 1
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A wise man once told me When I was at an AA meeting That inside us lies a rapist, a murdering force Dying to be released And is that why the murder of Christ, Before his time and beyond his age, His disciples could not take his path But write of him in page? Fascists to Marxists and all in between The quantum excrements of dichotomy Reign over the brains of men complex Completely unaware of their realities Those few who ride the highest wave Are sure to crash on pristine shores Only to draw b...
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Version 5
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"You would do that, wouldn't you?! Throwing your dirty diapers all around like some kind of circus side show juggler, stinkin’ up the place! I don't know who the hell you think you are asshole, but this is my place! I run this God damn room and you can't do anything about...", Wilbert paused briefly, scanning the calm green scenery of room 169, and started again looking a bit like an elderly un-toothed Satan from a bad Halloween party, "...keep an eye on your pudding, and your fruit cup! My ...
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Version 1
11 Reviews
7 Comments
Rambling On threw in the thyme Righters Russel with the pig Pending ink and penned in mind Summer awl Thai per I Ching O’pinions very, vary weyedly and writely sewn our forks to pitch mouthes wilt upon ever(b) so mitely Win the grammy nazi fits! Punk chewation fur d edictor may bees stink wit sluttered words Burrowed from arhythmic boars Swat oat uldacricket whores It not from the cud eat woe’nt Slam not the dure into its feets Utter we stand sintax the fault Miss Under stood left writ critiq...
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Version 4
0 Reviews
0 Comments
"You would do that, wouldn't you?! Throwing your dirty diapers all around like some kind of circus side show juggler, stinkin’ up the place! I don't know who the hell you think you are asshole, but this is my place! I run this God damn room and you can't do anything about...", Wilbert paused briefly, scanning the calm green scenery of room 169, and started again looking a bit like an elderly un-toothed Satan from a bad Halloween party, "...keep an eye on your pudding, and your fruit cup! My ...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Fried chicken is the dish I wish I was eating for dinner tonight won't you give it to me please? Waiting for some of that juicy and delicious viciously crunchy cantankerous bird The deep fryer's on fire tonight, But don't let it burn! Drumsticks, some battered chicken tits and thighs maybe some wings, and then you'll realize Fried Chicken, Easy picking, Finger licking tonight With a side, of Okra, and some red beans and rice For this meal I would pay almost any price
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I give you a 10. Excellent work, are you really 17? Wise beyond your years. I really enjoyed it well. The whole of it gave me a warm feeling and a reminder of what life is about. I thnk that anyone would gather the same. I don't have any recommendations on changes, I usually don't, but I will say to read it over and change waht you will. this realy was a beautiful piece of poetry, you should be proud.
I don't know if this is a letter to somebody or a poem. I guess, either way, to the person whom you are relaying the message it is clear, but maybe a little too clear. Personally, I like poetry to have some zest, maybe in this case some historical references to relations that have gone bad. It was in the second verse that you mention final verses. This might get confusing to some, who see three more coming after. Poetry of this kind, the romantic kind(and this only my opinion) should not have...
I gave you a good rating on poetry, but I don't see it so much as that as Oratory. Well put, you seem well informed on what it is to be human at the core and it shows. A good use of alliteration, always good in a "speech". It keeps ears open. My only advice would be to lengthen it, and throw in some historical refrences, of those who have stood in the past, note their faults, and how , as a people, we could learn from all the mistakes made in the past. Finding a mind blowing phrase that can s...
If you have access to music put it together, if you haven't already. Your son would surely appreciate it. As a poem I say the same. These are the kind of writings that need no critic telling them what to do better. It couldn't be done. Your heart is in it, your past present and future are there, and it brought me right in. I have friends I would love to see back, and though I am not a mother, nor have children, in a way I understand you clearly. You have a talent worth shaping, so I say shape...
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