Schecher's profile

I think using “ingâ in the end of every line is great; it’s refreshing. Yet there are a few lines that could be reworded in order to catch the beat such as line 23, also it seems to be a bit here and there in subject matter. Maybe you should try to rearrange some lines. Other than that great poem.

This seems like an intresting piece of work. I noticed you mentioned Battle Royale in your notes. I never read the book but I did see the movie with the 30 something kids that were forced to kill each other on a deadly island until only one was left. The story seems to have that same adult overview mainly displayed through religion which seems to follow Battle Royale. I would like to read more of this as the chapters are released.

This piece oddly enough brought a smile to my face. I can't explain why but it did. The build up was great before exposing your death. It was just enough to get the reader comfortable with each character and their situation and then BANG you reveal your dead. It was sad but it seems so true, these are what people feel when something like thios occurs. I'm gonna have to follow up on some of your other work.

I enjoyed this story a bit, but there were two mistakes that I did notice when reading it. The first was in paragraph one on the second to last sentence where you talk about sitting in your love seat, I think it would sound much more unforced and make much more sense if you wrote it like so: I LOOKED OUT MY KITCHEN WINDOW FROM MY LOVERSEAT. Although it is plain, it is functional and not as jammed up as it was before. Also in Paragraph ten the opening sentence makes no sense. I would suggest r...