Sarah_Sassy's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Sacramento, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 21
LOC: Sacramento, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 21
I don’t consider myself a writer. I know that might sound a little odd, considering what kind of site this is, but it’s true. I don’t have the qualifications to give myself this title. What I do have is an imagination and a need to write, which is what I am doing here. That being said, I hope that you enjoy my work. Constructive criticism is welcome…
Again, thank you for your time and consideration… I look forward to hearing from you!
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Version 1
6 Reviews
4 Comments
October 24, 2008 Dear Susanna Einstein: I would like to thank you in advance for your time and consideration of my story, which contains about 90,000 words. The main character in my story is Alicia Fischer, a troubled girl with a strained home life. She chooses to escape this lifestyle by dreaming. My story explores several of those dream scenarios, giving you a look at the world that’s happening inside Alicia’s head while she is sleeping; the world Alicia prefers. Slowly throug...
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Version 1
31 Reviews
30 Comments
It seems important to say that this story does not begin in a certain place or time, but within the heart of a girl child. She was raised to believe in her own worthlessness. She had trouble mastering any skill, she was clumsy and she was not particularly attractive in any way. Even though she was aware of these flaws, the people surrounding her made sure to remind her of them every day. Soon she stopped trying to do anything correctly, since nothing of quality was expected of her anyway, an...
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Version 1
8 Reviews
6 Comments
Darkened vines The twisted limbs Hiding places Secret spaces Touch me where no one can see Promises made Shadowed silence The leafy bower Where every hour Was marked by lustful wanting I can still feel you trace the vein Pulsed in secrecy I cherish half remembered pain I know you want me Kiss me Handsome I can still feel you feeling skin Cloak and dagger Places you have always been And will be again Touch me Handsome Hearts entwined Disheveled beings Pulse and races Darkened faces Me against ...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
11 Comments
I am disgusted Ravenous wolves And carrion crows Who wade in their jealousy Fighting over the carcass Of someone near their end. Some disguise their intentions: “I am a helping hand,” Waiting to clean up after The body drops. “I only love you I don’t want you hurt” He’s going to die There is no getting around that At least he won’t be around To witness your free meal.
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Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
We’re in danger. So easily we could lose Everything in the stormy nature Of our foe. We mustn’t cast off the cloud But live within it’s chill Adapt to the circumstances But I can’t see you anymore And my heart is breaking For the things that were supposed to be And never were And can’t be anymore Through choice and situation Accidents in the guise of fate Choices made in ignorance Bind us to where we wander slowly I am so lost Are you happy?
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Ha! I loved this piece! Don't change a thing... well, ok, the only suggestion I have is maybe changing, "eating away hair." to "biting hair" or removing the word "away" to improve the way the sentence flows. I thought the dialogue was brilliant, and although there were plenty of errors in it, I think it made the conversation more realistic. Good work!
I'd be interested in seeing where you go with this. It's really open right now, so it's hard to predict or even give you an idea for plot twists, etc. A few things you could change are: "The leftover drunken haze from the night before still lingered, and he turned his head to the darker corner of his stark white room." reads awkwardly and redundantly - lingered and leftover basically say the same thing. You might try rewriting it as "He tuned his face towards the darker corner of the room, hi...
It's always interesting to hear a fresh version of the death of love - and that's what you've communicated here. My only real recommendation is the following: "There used to be love, laugh and cuddle," might be changed to "There used to be love, laughter and caresses,". The word "cuddle" doesn't flow right and the use of the word "laugh" is incorrect. I also feel that the word "caresses" adds to the overall rhyme scheme in that stanza. Overall, a very good piece. Good work.
Very interesting... and I'm sure everyone who is an "artist" can identify with this piece. Since you asked for general impressions, I'll tell you that this piece made me sad and regret that life is this way... It rang very true. This line, "for what do I need it?" makes perfect sense and I enjoyed the phrasing, however, you might want to change it to "why do I need it?" to make it flow more easily from the tongue. Thank you.
I loved this! I started reading it and it never occurred to me that it was anything but what it initially seemed to be - even with the power cutting clue in the beginning. Only a couple of changes - otherwise, I'd leave this piece as it is. "its tracks driving" is almost too much detail and read awkwardly for me. Maybe instead eliminate that portion, and just say that it was coming directly at the character. Maybe change, "as the nozzle of the gun blazes with equal ferocity." to "the nozzle o...
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